Pennies Of Thoughts....Cents you can dropped....

Letters

2009-04-06T02:35:00.003+08:00

I finally got myself to be obedient enough to clean out my closet.. for years i have chunk whatever rubbish..gifts.. documents..forgotten memories.. yes.. long forgotten..

There is a chunk of letters...one from a close sister.. but she dun see me as one anymore..next to her letter..was mine.. i nv got to send it out..i wrote.. but i don't know why i did not send it out.

next was from Jason.. cards.. yellow post-it letters.. i read them again last night.. emotions choked up.. i felt touched by his sincerity to write all of them.. how he much he loves me as days past.. sweet isn't it...how could not take care of me anymore..suddenly i realise.. why wasnt i touched then? All the lovey dovey times.. only to replace by my harshness.. bcos i wanted to break free from him.. i knew his illness was caused by me. i hoped he had recovered now and living a life he feels contented with. Millions of apologies cant mend your broken-heart, may you be with the one that brings in all the sunshine for you.

then.. a penpal.. hahaa .. a gal from London.. Helen Smith...a letter from her..i send her a letter back.. but that was long ago.. maybe i did not pay the correct postage to send it to London.. haahaa

lastly.. from an ex colleague.. i nv had the memory i ever read his letter.. 2 of it somemore.. hopelessly ..is all in Chinese.. i guess i nv even read it.. He's telling me his new life in Uni...tell me his choices.. he wrote alot..1 full page.. honestly.. i dun recall i read it.. 2nd page was another lettr which he wrote 2 weeks later.. FUNNY.. send 2 letters together.. but the 2nd letter was with his contact no... a shorter letter asking me to call him.. I nv did.. My friend told me maybe he was interested me but could not pluck up the courage ..therefore just ask me to call...siao.. trunk calls.. i was like only 16.. a poor student..but i do remember i stick to him and his friend alot when we were working together.. haahaa.. maybe bcos he was the youngest among the others..others are the boss..the manager..all are like twice my age.. i still remember it is in Bugis above KFC.. haaha employment agency .. everyday i have tons of paperwork to handle.. haahaa..
Anyway..moral of the story.. nv ever write me a chinese letter... i probably read it only after 13 yrs like now.... haahaa

BuRpz sign off..

Perfect eyesight 6/6.. mentally or physically

2009-02-21T01:48:00.005+08:00

It's 1 week to 3months after my lasik.

Vision is recorded as perfect 6/6 by the optometrists.
Indeed clearer vision, having needing vison aids for almost more than 20 years.

It also bring about a clearer what is Family all about.
A clearer view of a ~~doting~~ BIASED woman and a ~~young unemployed student~~ irresponsible brother.

My ~~rantings~~ utmost feelings reveals....

The former - pretends to be all nice and good to you with the ever intention so as cheat whatever she can out of you,
stressing that she tried to be fair but nv done so. YES.. fair. I have to do the housework, denied access to the storeroom /aircon,
insisted i should pay for the new sofa just because the latter is still in school and doesn't hold a job, demand to live up to her expectations,
blamed the dog for all the smell.. LIKE WTF.. read this I'm surprised that my DOG CAN CLIMBED UP THE FUCKING TOILET BOWL & PEE IN THE HOLE BUT HASN"T LEARNT TO FLUSH..
even i am rushing late for work, hang ard like the the grimreaper to make sure i clean up otherwise her black magic will start to work..
must do her favours but when u request a favour..just dream on..
fix microwave cos her lovable darling wants to bake stuff to impress a cunt hole. most expensive treat $26 half a duck shared by 3..
returned the $ owed, but claimed did not rcvd. NOw i know why she refuse IB transfer! enough said.. my blood will only boils further!

The Latter - clean up only when gf needs to come for a visit. what is she? queen of sg? rich man's brat?
IS this what being part of the family is about.. only clean up, clear things when there is a need to impress a CB.. CCB.
only clean own's room, smart move. be smarter, climb up the gutter to your room. do not use the front door.Leave by the same way.
Pee and shit out of the window, do not utilise the toilet.
shower- you better pray it rains everyday.
Internet fee - you have out it in a nice way, share. end up. i pay $40 & you pay $20 and your usage is higher than mine.When the router breaks down in May, your promise - "settle when i come back".
Aug-came back.pretend problem nv occurs. YOU get to use all the time, all day while i am at work. When i need to use for a few hours at night and your face is equivalent starts smelling like a racoon's fart.
Sep- i ask when can you settle the prob.. answer: " when i got the money" end of sentence. 2 months. fucking tolerate bcos you said you need to do your school work.
"when you get the money" is the day when i meet my maker.
Oct- come to me & said share the router which cost at the most $120 quoting bcos he paid for the modem. LIKE SINCE WHEN YOU PASS ME THE $$, MODEM BROKE DOWN A FEW WEEKS b4 YOU ARE FARKKING DUE TO GO USA..KNOWING U NEED $$, I ASK YOU RETURN WHEN U R BACK . remind you that you did not pay me the $, face worse that a scorpion's bite.
NOv- walk pass and you are watching anime. Ur mountain said " need to relaxed ma" , bravo, staring at the screen for work is stress, staring at the screen watch anime is relaxation. Simple.. treat your work as anime. You are relaxing all the time.
2 weeks to dec - got super pissed as totally cannot get online all the damn times, ask you again, you say dun know. good i make the decision, when you complete your studies. answer: early dec.
my reply : I dun want to share with you anymore starting from dec.
Your mountain : "let him use lah, he doesn't have the money,not working"
My answer : I gave him time long enough to work out the resolution to the problem, all he can say is "wait till i got the money".
Your mountain : He did not get to work in USA, survived on his savings.
My reply : from Aug to Nov is 4 months, if he save over the 4 months, end of nov, he could have gotten a new router.
letting you for free is not a problem, what pissed me off is YOUR FARKING IRRESPONSIBILTY to hold things off like meaning TML NV COMES and only when by force you think of solutions
Uncle SAID : " he will only graduate in mid 2009
My thought : so telling me DECEMBER IS JUST PURELY A LIE TO ME & i am not giving in.
the 1st day of dec - Singnet Mio modem in room, even if promotion bundle, need not pay a single cent up front, monthly subcriptions. yes you can afford. yet a router, cant.MIND You.. u did not pay me for the nov usage.
IF U DON"T REMEMBER, I'm reminding you now, when you first started to use, it was almost to the end of the month, you offered to pay first, BUT i told you to pay at the end of the next month which means after you finished using for the month, den you need to pay. AS YEARS passed, you been dragging payment from month-end to beginning of next month. ALL these while I kept mumb.
Your NO $$ =
1) able to buy ingredients to bake a cake
2) able to buy a PHILLIP blender
3) spend $$ on flowers on valentines day

Just bcos i took some strawberries meant for your stupid gf, you gave me the zbye look. Thanks. This is what i got from my blood-related brother. to begin with i'm suspecting we are not even related in any way.

what have you done ard in the house. O you did. you got a light bulb for the toilet. YES that is bcos your gf is visiting tml. Why didn't you get a toilet seat for the bathroom too?

~~There are more..~~ all these are neverending.

I seen what i have as my family. Given the choice, i choose to give up my identity.

Dear whoeva has the power to change my fate.

1) MAKE THEM DIE; or
2) kill me, my soul and my existence.

It's better with option 2. Let them be happy, let them be guilt-free, let them have what they want at the expenses of my ceasing-existence.
What am i? Nothing. Just an orphan gal left behind by Daddy.
I am trying to make my ends meet but it's not working.

My existence isn't worth a thing. Don't let me wake up again.
Please read my this will at my funeral.
Clear & loud. I have kept to myself all these while cos there are more stuff to trouble. It's time they come out.

Foot Steps.. my version

2009-01-07T22:36:00.002+08:00

Again...It's been a long while...

& Again.. i dread to write. Write to shout it all out.. all the pent up feelings.. they may still be just lurking around with the aftermath of guilt/anger/sorrow. BUt it's alright. I need to take it out.air it..n put back into my stuffed closet..dirty linen..crumpled, left to mellow..or is it yellow. *shrugz*

It's 7thJan09, 7 days into 2009..Will it be another dreadful year?..fruitful i had always hope it to be. Too many downs..with ups barely noticeable.. they just stay around for a while.. just a little while..Like the wise said..good times are short..

Looking back into 2008.. why am I doing this.. beats me.
Most of the foot steps were full footprints.. certain parts were just half prints. very very negligible number of them.. With a smile followed by sadness.. these half prints were the times i was skipping along my path - times when i was happy..

The full footsteps.. were laden with with something heavy.. things i had no choice but to follow. They are right.. life is full of choices.. but these choices were just another set of choices among end road.. meaning.. it's still something I had to do..whether I like it or not. end of the day.. these choices either lead to the muddy path.. or a even muddier one..

This year.. i want to do somethings .. just because i want to do them. I am sick of living up to expectation of others.. I want to be rebellious this time round.. be contradictive..greedy..spiteful and selfish..just like another normal human being. I dun want to be lead by my nose anymore. I am not some damn goat/bull. A friend..forget who it was.. told me to live my life for myself. CAn I? How many of us live our life for ourselves? When i want to live my life for myself. it would mean..all my money to be used for my own stuffs.. my own spendings.. I wish it would be that easy.. But i still need to give her the $$ money.. that is no longer living for myself. I don't wish to travel 2 hrs ride every saturday.. cos that is not what i want in life. Say I'm unfilial.. then i am.. cos i have neglected my dad's mom for a long long time despite she is so much nearer to me. She is actually much dearer to me..at least most of my childhood memories contains her. I want to spend more time with her especially it's just a 5 mins walk..i compare.. i choose.. If Mom's mom hasn't moved that far needing 2 hrs ride everytime which is tedious and i have been doing it for almost 2 years. not to say I'm sick of it. I want to have my own free time and flexibility on weekends. I'm already tied from Mondays to fridays.. gimmme my break for the weekends.

All sayings are easier said than done. Just be more firm.. more hard-hearted..selfish..calculative. I can do things i want. Let's just wait & see if i can achieve that.

don't tell me be happy/grateful of what I have already owned. I'd think you are just bull shitting. Cos i owned nothing..I've nothing to my name. For Someone whom the world will not stop revolving because of my absence.. Wake up.. It's time to look for my existence-worth

This year..I want my path to be filled with more half foot prints..

BuRpz

Disappointment...

2008-10-05T02:00:00.004+08:00

I'm not sure how am I able to put this across...

But things that she had done.. certainly has an deep impact on me...
Some things may seem to have never wrongs or rights...
But expectations is there to gauge what things are suppose to be..So when things doesn't fall my way... well..naturally I'd feel so disappointed...But who am I to judge her actions.. to find fault with her when I'm no saint myself....

I've done something unforgivable...months back...a black mark.. losing a friend.. hahaa.. if he's worth a friend.. have tried to mend & get back the way we used to be... It doesn't seem to be working....For a whole day, I just couldn't believe the shit is happening..

I'll show you how fickled-minded or heartless i can get...
The very next day, i snapped out of my decomposition .. I saw a sight in the ladies that really etched a deep smack across my face...What the hell i was thinking.

There was a lady sitting on the floor..reeking of liquorl.. strong.. i supposed she must have drank alot...tipsy..crying to the phone.. bawling to someone most probably her hubby...WELL.. it's her hubby i think.. cuz standing beside her was a lil boy toddler.. she was practically begging the fucker on the other line not to treat her the way he's doing now... She looks pretty young.. Maybe my age or even younger. She was like forcing the boy to ask daddy to come back.

I was like..WTF.. i dun want to be like her.. i dun want a MAN to make me cry.. over worthless issues... when a man has a change of heart.. he's not a man.. he's just another faggoty doo daa deyy to me... When a man cant be responsible to his course of actions.. he's no difference from a weakling duckie... U know.. DUCK.. as in GIGOLO... I'm definetly not gonna lower myself to such degrading act...I can't bring myself to do so..

The smack came on real hard.. I realise.. there is no place in my heart for him. He's just a replacement for my companionship..simply bcos he's near.. When i have my other commitments.. he was nv on my mind..... It's my dependance on getting away from loneliness draws me to him... My foolishness that encourage him that i was someone i wasn't really.

I talked to TCSQ abt it...he concluded that I'm just treating anyone who comes along as a life bouy.. but when i get onshore.. to firmer grounds..I'll be quick & heartless to discard the life Bouy... Well.. this is from a brother who had known me through these 6 years.. not due to the years..but due to he was one of the victims...SORRY BROTHER.. =p..I know you will still love me ...irregardless how mean i was to you..but you agreed you deserved it too..didn't ya..

So this fella whom i heartlessly snap out of my thoughts in less than 48 hours, text me a few days back.. on checking how was i coping...I didn't want to gave him the wrong encouragement again...so i took extra long time to respond.. TCSQ always said I've a talent to kill a Guy's interest in me... WTF.. this is me.. my character.. there is nothing I can change nor neither do I wanna change this..

Only those that can truly appreciate my shit gets my appreciation....

I'm not bending on perfection... neither can i allow myself to be shortchanged on something which i think is pretty important... Moral integrity...something which cannot be found between the both of us anymore.

BuRpz

I'm back...for a while

2008-10-02T13:11:00.003+08:00

It's been pretty long since I last blog.. I can safely say is due to my heavy work load.. but for the fact. I know it's not...
MOst of my time.. spent on Yoville.. some graphic game.. which got me addicted ..really hard up on it... Play it.. you'll know what i mean.
I didn't want to write. Like a spolit brat. I didn't.. There is two sides of me.. asking me to write my thoughts.. the other side asking to "just shut up".
"People will pick on you.whateva you said" Just go sleep n stick to Yoville " grinx"

The truth is I've been very unhappy. Work.. friends..life.. myself..especially monetary wise.I get irritated at the slightest thing i saw. Someone commented that i think too highly of myself. That was long time back.. but it just lurk around in my memory that I'm seen as a arrogant Biatch.

There are things i pretended i don't know.. What do i get ? " I hate it when you pretend you don't know but you actually knows"
It's like WTF...

There's a reason why i build my own prison.

The inmates of the real prison may looked they are void of freedom, restricted of movements. But there is something that they did not realise. It looks like the law is protecting the majority against them. But my thoughts are otherwise. People affects each other. The inmates are being protected from the majority so as to stop all the peer pressure in their life & make it more smoother over that period of time. Those who stayed outside has to fend themselves against the malicious tongues, sight & sense of others.

It's a cycle.

What could have caused someone to break the law?

Desire, greed, envy, jealousy.
All crimes are the cause & effects the communication between people.

Drug addicts - if there is no drug dealer, where would these addicts comes from?
Drug dealer- if there is no addicts, where would these dealers comes from?

Our daily lives, actions, responsibility are closely linked. Everyone leads something along/off the road.

The purpose of my prison.. ? My thoughts are my own bars.. & my sight are the chains that determined what ahs to be locked up.

Honestly.. i dun understand the crap i just wrote up there.

Life's contradicting, isn't it?

BuRpz

Something interesting about love

2008-07-18T12:17:00.002+08:00

Happen to chance upon this from someone : midnight_101@hotmail.com

Somewhat true .. but if that really works.... it'd be just another story

Quote***

Life is precious and there is joy to be experienced in life.
If people are open to seeing the good and joyous in all kinds of situations, it makes life worth living.
It's ok to kiss a fool, it's ok to let a fool kiss you, but never ever let a kiss fool you....
It is better to meet the person who will truly love you later, than meet someone now who promises to love you but sooner or later leave you forever.....
Fate determines who comes into our lives.
The heart determines who stays...
Love is like a knife, it can stab e heart or it can carve wonderful images into e soul that will last a lifetime

Life is short,
Break the rules,
Forgive quickly,
Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably,
And never regret anything that made you smile.

UnQuote***

Random Thoughts

2008-06-28T16:48:00.003+08:00

A recent conversation set me thinking what is casual sex to Men.

Yes Men.. you know the walking prick with 2 balls dangling on the outside below it. haaa.. yes.. i'm that crude ..especially when it comes to describing the other gender whom i particularly has no erm.. okie.. not much respect for... THOUGH.. there are still a minority whose character I still admire & has command a great deal of respect..say for example.. my Daddy.. some of my Uncles... some friends...

BUT the majority that sadly still surviving in the society are nothing but just pieces of SHIT.. you know.. those kind .. just imagine... irregardless how well their appearance appeals .. look like walking pricks with a big chunk of cowdung just on top or worn on them like bandannas...Trust me.. nowadays.. even if the guy really look like shit.. his character is worse den fermented apples...

As a guy.... .. You claimed you are confused. So confused you are..It understandable that maybe things came too sudden...Maybe You are on heat (yes... men are dogs sometimes - not trying to be insulting).. & something sexual happens... & later on your conclusion there is no sparks between the 2 of you. It's like wad de FUCK can.... no sparks can have sex.. BRAVO. Though you have repeatedly apologised & claimed that you have regretted your actions.. & tried to be as nice as you used to be.. Acting a saint hur...I just cannot understand how one is able to have sex with another if there isn't any liking.. HOW DIFFERENT ARE YOU FROM THE DIRTY OLD MEN WHO VISIT THE PROSTITUTES TO SATISFY THEIR LAME-OUS SEXUAL QUENCH... KNN...

When a guy asked if you can have something with him.. no string attached.. just SEX.. o my goSh.. What kind of character are you.. a while acting to be saint.. in another less than a min you acted like sex is just wad you want. COME ON.. if you have treated her a friend.. you could not..no.. it's SHOULD NOT HAVE make use of her feelings for you to hoax her into bed.. That was pretty low...no.. That was REALLLY LOW..

Ironically, when a guy explained that things that had happened was totally different from ONS..you did it with feel.. WOW.. with feel... NO sparks.. but with feel.. Zbye.. are you looking for that kind of sparks that can electrocute you till NO EXISTENCE. .. Have you realise what you have been saying & doing.... How different is feel from sparks...ISN'T IT THE SAME DAMN THING!!!
IN other words, i can also put it that you see ONS no different from Masturbation.. well.. YOU COULD HAVE SHUT YOURSELF IN THE TOILET & MASTURBATE..

Stop hurting others.
BuRpz

Faith

2008-06-18T01:09:00.002+08:00

How much does it takes to stay faithful to someone.

How much does it takes for someone to keep away from someone who attached to another.

How much does it takes for someone whose attached to stay away from someone who has interest.

How much does it takes for a LEUSER to understand how immoral he is by lurking around someone's whose attached.

How much does it takes for someone to understand that an immoral LEUSER has no integrity.

Why bother..it's none of my business. My motto.. "It's none of my business"

Yes yes .. I don't seem to understand..how lonely one can get.. YUH..try telling that to someone whose been single for 5? 6 years. it's not an excuse.
If it is..it would have been easy to break not just 1.. but several hearts.

MAN..can never be satisfied. Always yearning for better.. hoping for more.. & asking for the impossible. I forget..Babies grew.. not just physically but greedily... Desire implant into them.. no.. desire has always been a seed embedded deeply waiting to be nurtured & release..release to wreak havoc to others. It is just like a circuit.. as one grew.. the capsule holding Desire will detonate & release it's contents.

Even the most angelic one you always thought to be... has the potential to have desire but only waiting for the right time to come along.

Desire can be evil.. it makes you greed for more..better & best..at the expense of hurting others.

Yes Hurting others... LEUSER.. get it? causing hurt to another because of your damn freaking desire to have someone whose attached makes you a real LEUSER.

Time to sleep.. may the Leuser gets insomniac forever & become a panda... castrated panda.. that is.. haahaa

BuRpz

Samsung - I will NV PATRONISE ever again!

2008-06-02T18:41:00.003+08:00

The product is still okay to use. But the customer service simply cannot make it totally!!!

Firstly, my calls always cannot be connected in the evening. IT'S the DAMN phone.. cos when i used my Nokia .. no problem!
And, then my Lcd screen crack for no apparent foreseen/predicted reason. It just went haywired after i finished a call. Those people at the customer service centre claimed that it is due to maybe pressure or I've drop the damn phone WHICH i did neither!!!
If this damn phone, that had cost me SGD$200/- , couldn't even barely survived for a year.. Even with special care.. I had been keep it in a pouch most of the time other then using it.
If it's due to pressure, the damn cover would have CRACK too! Doesn't that make perfect sense.
If they are gonna tell me that the Lcd screen will still crack even if the cover didn't.. It would simply make prefect sense that the design seriously have a BIG problem!

The Lady at the counter told me it's 3 to 5 WORKING days they will contact me.. BUT NO.. NO ONE called up.

I've called up on Friday, which is 4 working days after i have send it for repair.. they tells me it's under pending status still & she told me she will personally follow up.. FINE... I tolerate till today... & yet.. no one called... & i had to call up personally.. WHAT kind of customer service is this man.. RUBBISH.. totally unethnical.

So i called earlier, & they told me that i need to pay a sun of less than 600bucks, & they are waiting for me to revert..I'm like.. What the fuck.. no one called. no one informed me, No one even bother to revert!.. I told ther lady off.. & she promised to get someone from the PS counter to call me back.. NOW.. 6.52pm.. NO ONE called, i called up again.. the goddamnit samsung is closed for the day. What the fuck sia! Knn...

Totally stupid & irresponsible bunch of useless grats..I had specifically told her to get back to me.

O Boy, I'm so fuming mad...I guess i have to call tommorrow & give them a piece of my mind first thing in the morning.

ARGhH!!!!!!!! I need to vent my anger somewhere... tml suppose to go gym, they better have my phone ready for collection tommorrow when i am am on my way to Gym.. else i will definitely demand to speak to the manager ! Fuck up...

I will never ever ever patronise Samsung from now on.. It's not their products.. It's their after-sales services that totally unsatisfactory..in fact terrible!

BuRpz

Let me take you there

2008-05-31T03:32:00.002+08:00

I pretty love this song.. Let me take you there by Plain White Ts... Fully describe my thoughts...

Here goes the lyrics...

I know a place that we can go to
A place where no one knows you
They won't know who we are
I know a place that we can run to
And do those things we want to
They won't know who we are

Let me take you there
I wanna take you there

I know a place that we've forgotten
A place we won't get caught in
They won't know who we are (they won't know, won't know)
I know a place where we can hide out
And turn our hearts inside out
They won't know who we are

Let me take you there
I wanna take you there
Let me take you there
Take you there
Take you there
Ooohhh
Ooohhh
Ooohhh
Ooohhh

I know a place we'll be together
And stay this young forever
They won't know who we are

Let me take you there
I wanna take you there
Let me take you there
Take you there
Take you there
Ooohhh

We can get away to a better place if you let me take you there
We can go there now cause every second counts
Girl just let me take you there
Take you there

But..whose gonna take me there??
Sighzz..

BuRpZ

Horoscope is so true!!

2008-05-31T02:48:00.002+08:00

Gosh... the horoscope prediction is soo soo true...

LM pissed me off to the max today.
Her freaking 16mins is equivalent to dun know how many god damn hours..

While waiting for my hair to be done by JG..the silence is terrible.. & inside i was fuming.. where the fuck is she.. knn..she was the one who wanted to see him. ended up.. not even a sight of her god damn tail...This teaches me a lesson.. Never never ever ever be a match-maker... it's fuckingly teach me how friends are meant to be made use of & betrayed.. She did not even spare a thought for me that i would feel awkward..I dun even have any common topic with JG.. & she is fuckingly not there as promised weeks ago.."I'll accompany you while you get your hair done"

THANKS AR! knn...

I simply acted be a unforgiving bitch to her, throughout that is....

FRIENDS...yuhyuh approximately 10years of friendship..old habit dies hard..

Today's horoscope...

Children need to be disciplined in order to grow up to be considerate, mature people -- but grownups need order in their lives to stay considerate and mature. There is too much disarray in your life right now, and it's got to get reigned in before it goes too far. A messy car, cluttered desk, and crammed closet are not helping you stay focused and stress-free. Take time today to sort through the debris of your life and toss out what you don't need. It's only getting in the way.

Is this implying that i should get rid of the redundant people in my life..say for example..people who constantly pissed me off.. people who constantly make me feel unhappy.. I had a pain in the butt at work already,, i seriously don't need another pain in the neck for my social life

Off to bed...sucky mood to start yesterday & to end today..

BuRpz

Horoscope for the Day

2008-05-30T09:52:00.002+08:00

Warn your friends or coworkers that you could get grumpy as the day moves forward -- have you been getting enough rest and eating well? If not, it's time to put your health first and start saying no to late night invitations. Keeping yourself feeling strong is your responsibility -- no one is going to force you to treat yourself well. In fact, it's other people who usually are the reason you do things that aren't the best for you to do! Take your health seriously and you'll feel sunnier again.

This is so true.. I've been feeling grumpy since morning....
Sickening driver that drove so slow... I woke up early so that i can be on time for work.. yet still late....ARGH!

yeah.. what contributes to my weight gain.. i cannot resist invitations for late nights when i should be at the GYM!!! sighzz....

alright set.. i will have to get back to the gym on Sunday!!!! no more excuses!

No more late night dramas.. get to bed @ 10pm.. get my ass off bed @ 6am... work out 30mins on my "thick bed of dust collect" cross trainer.. meditation..

Ooo meditation...I've been a bad gal... i ahven been mediating like for....ages?

sighzz.. Life is in a mess.. I'm back to my demoralised self again.. Sickening..

Suppose to be jogging with ZhengMin tonight.. but LM called up & coerced me to get my hair colored so that she gets the chance/opportunity to salivate @ JG... kaoZ..

WHY DO I ALWAYS GIVE IN!!!!!!!!!!! ZZzZZzZz

Getting to dislike the Buyers i work with.... Sickening.. no sense of direction.. no sense of proper coordination.. their explanation sucks as well... Why is money always the root of all troubles!

God.. Just gimme 1 BILLION!!!!.. i'll be contented & happy!

Time to leave & get back to work...

BuRpz

Random thoughts turn scary

2008-05-19T02:59:00.003+08:00

Amidst the surrounded darkness, a sudden thought of what my next five year will be like simply barged its way into my mind.

It was a blank...yes.. the thought was a blank one. I can't visualized what I will be doing in five years time at this very same moment.

Will I still be holding the same job with that pathetic pay barely to stay alive.

The thought of being alone scares me. Seeing others surrounded by their loved ones scares me. Seeing the lovey dovey couples scares me too.

The seed that scares me is my incapability to love & cherish what I have. The selfishness in me scares me. I know i am capable of being sweet & all-cuddly... but how long will i last.

Envious of the sweet love found in Taiwanese drama, Hana Kimi.. But then, how true can that be in real life.

How much sacrifice I will be able to extend like Ruixi... Is there really a guy in the world like Quan.. sweetly protecting & loving Ruixi. All these screenplay is really eating me out.. that's why i seldom watch such drama..unless it involved comedy else i surely would go crazy thinking when can i find a love sweet & sensual like that.

Ruixi had lost 30pounds just for Quan... This is so familiar... I did the same for someone a couple years back.. 30 pounds too..hahaa.. but we didn't work out..

Laziness had found its way back to me and so has the flaccids & bulging meat.. Sighz.. I guess I am contemplating to go for acupuncture to for weight loss.

Suddenly, i felt it's a sin to be fat.. fat .. and ugly. I dun know why.. I'm starting to have thoughts that I'm someone whose boring.. Unloving..uninteresting..

Guys gets interested with the wrong reasons. I dread that.. I dread the 2 piece of fats on me.
Will there be a day in which i would kill off these perverts...

O boy, turning 30 soon.. do i look like one? so many random thoughts came up today.. This is so scary.. Blank ones especially...it makes my future look so bleaked. I'm so afraid of growing & looking old

Had mahjong with Mouse, Jeff & Ivy..LOST $$ again..sianz.. my luck is really down still... sighz..

Gosh.. 328am in the the total darkness.. a few more hours before i meet up with pei,ft,fel & nic..picnic & trekking @ the southern ridges.. Ahhh..yeshh.. pictures..Think i would better go off now else will be late tomorrow & they will scream their heads off !!

buRpz

What are friendship make of?

2008-04-29T22:19:00.009+08:00

Amazingly amused I am now, at the speed of how a friendship could simply just be forsaken just over a mere teasing conversation.

I reckon it could be just planned for else, it's just up-pented frustration needing a place to fire-in-the-hole like how some army personnel likes to quote.

That's how fast a friendship is gone, click delete, confirm & block, click yes. This is way faster than having to sms.

Santos "U'll only fail if u stop trying." said:
how darling

EnQi 劉恩圻 Berlindy Law - Dysmorphophobia the unquenchable desire to be perfeCt..... said:
wad how darling

Santos "U'll only fail if u stop trying." says (9:57 PM):
wat talking u

EnQi 劉恩圻 Berlindy Law - Dysmorphophobia the unquenchable desire to be perfeCt..... says (9:58 PM):
Santos "U'll only fail if u stop trying." said:
how darling
suddenly my window pop this up
u got msg wrong persdon?

Santos "U'll only fail if u stop trying." says (9:58 PM):
oh i mean HI darling

EnQi 劉恩圻 Berlindy Law - Dysmorphophobia the unquenchable desire to be perfeCt..... says (9:59 PM):
ZZZZZ

Santos "U'll only fail if u stop trying." says (10:01 PM):
y cant i hold a simple conversation with u ?

EnQi 劉恩圻 Berlindy Law - Dysmorphophobia the unquenchable desire to be perfeCt..... says (10:01 PM):
l0l
cos i ain't that simple as you think i might be
LOL

Santos "U'll only fail if u stop trying." says (10:02 PM):
look, dont think too highly of yrself and dont assume pple take u for simple bimbo
if u think im another bastard trying to find some hole for fun? think again

EnQi 劉恩圻 Berlindy Law - Dysmorphophobia the unquenchable desire to be perfeCt..... says (10:02 PM):
i wish i am just SOME simple BimBo can
LOL

Santos "U'll only fail if u stop trying." says (10:02 PM):
cold , than im not tat smartie miss simple
if u think im a her bastard trying to find some hole for fun? think again

EnQi 劉恩圻 Berlindy Law - Dysmorphophobia the unquenchable desire to be perfeCt..... says (10:03 PM):
u not finding fun
u just find chance to irk me

Santos "U'll only fail if u stop trying." says (10:03 PM):
by saying hi darling ?
dude, fuck it
block me
its ok, i'll delete u off
fucking moron

EnQi 劉恩圻 Berlindy Law - Dysmorphophobia the unquenchable desire to be perfeCt..... says (10:04 PM):
okie loh
its up to u

Not to mention, "fucking moron" slashed across the last sentence.

Feeling hurt? Nah~~don't ask me why.
Having a fever could have caused the indifference.

The next moment was to call Ninny, she didn't picked up.
Text her something's not right with Eric.

The next moment was to think what he mentioned

" look, dont think too highly of yrself and dont assume pple take u for simple bimbo
if u think im another bastard trying to find some hole for fun? think again"

Never did I ever... I've always got low morale on myself, hence explains the my dysmorphophobic self - the desire to be perfect-------- perfectly normal.

Then again, i wished i'm just some simple Bimbo too, at least i wouldn't care less & start being a mean bitch..
I mean really mean... You wouldn't really understand what mean really is till you personally watch the whole episode.

It's a blessing to be simple, forgetful & lastly Bimboic... really..
Sometimes...you maybe mean fun.. some simply think its offensive... HOW?
please the world.. forget it, I'm tired

I'm lazy.. it's true.. I'm so much to say.. so much to complain, so much to rebuke..
But when i think i have to go through all the hassle..It's simply just killing my brain cells without a good cause.

Ok..I'm just plain lazy.

Can i like just ignore the whole damn world.

Hopefully this fever would bring me somewhere else where the ugly side of human is not residing.

Humans are ugly, especially when you see how fast they try to turn their odds to suit the situation.

This past year of experience is enough seen.

Through my eyes, I see treachery.. maybe not that heavy word to use.. but the meaning is there...
Be amazed..in just less than a year.

signing off
BuRpz

Marionette

2008-01-06T00:02:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I will I'm just an android..with the maiden circuit...

with the ability to self-detonate... just pull the trigger

Game over... everything ends

tis wOrld..has no place for me...

2008-01-05T23:25:00.000+08:00

Sad thing to say.. but this is so true...

Things hasn't been going on as the way i anticipated it to be ever since my bday- Christmas...

The only ever-so consoling words of comfort were "Happy Bday" from a few of the closer friends...

5 days trip to Bangkok for shopping.. is one of the event i would wish to forget..forever

I saw..I experienced..& finally understand..colleagues & close friends..the quo can never share the same status.

Thank you Ft.. for pointing that to me at the final stage.

The episode of reality bites.. real bites.. leaving the teeth marks untraceable yet etching beyond the flesh.

After granny's dinner celebration.. walked home from Chinatown... something happened.. b4.. started in the morning.. that trigger my helpless anger.

WTF am I swallowing her shit.. arghh

Is tis true?? tis wOrld has no plaCe for me...not anymore.. I outlived my usefulness...
I'm so tired.. of living up to expectation..
I'm so tired.. of having her shifting the blame of Desiree's poor results
I'm so tired . of her nagging me of being irresponsible.. hello.. look at yourself..

I'm le tired just sent you a nudge.

EnQi 劉恩圻 Berlindy Law says (11:31 PM):
yes
fel
i want to leave

i'm le tired says (11:31 PM):
???

EnQi 劉恩圻 Berlindy Law says (11:31 PM):
to a place where i know no one.. no want knows me
& a place that i do not know of my past
my origins
my so call family

i'm le tired says (11:32 PM):
wth!!!

EnQi 劉恩圻 Berlindy Law says (11:32 PM):
my so call kinship
i'm le tired says (11:32 PM):
u mad!

EnQi 劉恩圻 Berlindy Law says (11:32 PM):
my so call friends
a place where i dun know where i am
a place where no one knows where i am

i'm le tired says (11:33 PM):
erm wad happened??

EnQi 劉恩圻 Berlindy Law says (11:35 PM):
nvm..

Thanks Fel..Appreciate you for the care.

To Aunt...
I feel so exploited... Why do i have to explain my actions.. my life.. my whereabouts..
I mean.. what has it gotta to do with you really...
DUN FUCKING ASK IF YOU ARE FUCKING TO SAY "SO WHAT HAS IT GOT TO DO WITH ME"
You may think you are just kidding with me..
watch your tone. it says otherwise. at least to me

If I said I do not wish to do whoever a favour.. I FUCKING mean it.
Family means helping each other with an ulterior motive.. this is what I've learn from your sister for the past 28 years...

Do not give me any advise... bcos.. you are not having a perfectly happy life yourself.
Respect is earned.. not freebie given to Elders.. i dun buy that..

Fine.. i will be there @ 2pm everysaturday & leave by 630pm as well..

Do not blame me for my Callousness.... you asked for it..

In this world.. there will no more be any Liu Shuhui.... get this clear.. my name is Liu EnQi

If i can leave.. leave without a trace...
no one will notice
no one will realise
no one will think about it
no one will wonder what happened
no one will even remember....

in time to come..I'll be no longer missed...no longer...not anymore

Growing old & Grow LooKIng Old

2007-12-22T04:43:00.000+08:00

theSe R 2 DaRn different thing ALRIGHT!!!!! aRrrRRgH!!

What the Helll.....

EnQi 劉恩圻 Berlindy Law says (4:33 AM):
i am looking at my frenz peektures
in friendster
my god

i'm le tired says (4:33 AM):
.................

EnQi 劉恩圻 Berlindy Law - says (4:33 AM):
they seems to have grown so old looking

i'm le tired says (4:33 AM):
ERM OKAY

EnQi 劉恩圻 Berlindy Law says (4:33 AM):
I am so SCARED now
I dun wanna grow looking OLD
fel... do i look OLD
oMG
dO I
Do I
DOoOooOo I

i'm le tired says (4:34 AM):
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
i'm le tired says (4:34 AM):
ur asking me at 5am!

EnQi 劉恩圻 Berlindy Law says (4:34 AM):
l0l
zbye.. u also not sleepin ma

i'm le tired says (4:35 AM):
ahahaha
i'm le tired says (4:35 AM):
i
i'm le tired says (4:35 AM):
am
i'm le tired says (4:35 AM):
dating

EnQi 劉恩圻 Berlindy Law says (4:35 AM):
is call CYBERSEXING

i'm le tired says (4:35 AM):
!!!!
i'm le tired says (4:35 AM):
ya right
i'm le tired says (4:35 AM):
mad
i'm le tired says (4:35 AM):
we d'on
i'm le tired says (4:35 AM):
don't
i'm le tired says (4:36 AM):
well everyone grows OLD ok
i'm le tired says (4:36 AM):
dun be scared
i'm le tired says (4:36 AM):
to grow old
i'm le tired says (4:36 AM):
cos i will too

EnQi 劉恩圻 Berlindy Law - says (4:38 AM):
it's oki to grow old
i dun want to grow LOOKING OLD
get it?
l0l

i'm le tired says (4:39 AM):
erm
i'm le tired says (4:39 AM):
ok
i'm le tired says (4:39 AM):
that sounds weird

EnQi 劉恩圻 Berlindy Law - says (4:39 AM):
do i look 28??
my OLD
do I
Shit
i wanted to type my God
end up typing my OLD
kNN

i'm le tired says (4:40 AM):
HAHAHAHAHA
i'm le tired says (4:40 AM):
u are mad liaos

EnQi 劉恩圻 Berlindy Law says (4:40 AM):
shitaBUGS

i'm le tired says (4:40 AM):
tmr i tell ft
i'm le tired says (4:40 AM):
to console u
i'm le tired says (4:40 AM):
cos hes OLDER

EnQi 劉恩圻 Berlindy Law - says (4:41 AM):
a
zbye u...

i'm le tired says (4:42 AM):
HAHAHA

how..... i am so afraid of growing old.. nbz.. i'm old now.. freaky 28 in just a few days time....

I rather be sucidal den Look into the mirror & see my wrinkles!!!!!

A HaiRy Affair

2007-12-16T00:55:00.000+08:00

What are you thinking when you see this title??

A) HOrnY issues..
B) Shaving Issues...
C) Others...pls state:__________

hahahaa

O Well... I had a new hair cut on Friday evening after work!!!!!.. told Jeremy that i want to cut short @ the back... end up.. not really the kind of short i am looking forward to..I looked @ myself in the mirror.. 2 stalks seemingly sticking out at the sides..

Told Jeremy to have them chop it off cos it looks WEIRD!!!!

He fiddle fiddle a bit... & start chopping the hair @ my nape... a whirl of cooling sensation swept pass... SONG!!!!!

Finally when the affair was finally over & done with.. Jeremey exclaimed.."wow.. now ur hair is shorter than mine!!!!

Looking into the mirror.. I couldn't be more satisfied each time i look at myself.. WHAHAHAHA

Frontal View taken @ HK Cafe barely an hr after hair cut!!

Slightly side view to see how short my back is...

Really love this style...Jeremy ask if short enough.. i told him "I'll be back" hahahaha
Phyllis added....shave botak next time!!!!.. i retort jokingly.. I'll shave urs!!!"

Well.. i'll cut shorter again the next round!!!...

Aunt Juan saw it today,love it & comment it really look good on me.. She wants to have her hair styled this way as well too...

YiPeee...
I'm getting to love short hair....

Rule the world? Control the balls.....

2007-11-26T01:38:00.000+08:00

Someone said to me today....

"you can have the world if you are slim & sluttish"

That's so very very true...

Bringing in my stream of thoughts...

The Sluts... they dun have perfect features (i especially hates the cat-eyes).. some whose faces are like worse off den half past fucked.. They have this vampish look.. that gnarled the dumb diks balls right under their pinkie...

Their personality sucks.. they only care about what they can possess with their ever-so-I-see-i-felt-like-bashing-it-up-silly antics to bound those whose balls rules better than their brains..

They breaks up others relationship happily.. I hate sluts..simply cursed them till tml nv comes..

But sadly... these are the ones that will not be left on the shelves.. having someone to love ..( who cares if it's genuine) .. someone to fuk..occasionally enjoys being fuck by other unauthorised personnel.

ArGghh.. wad am i crapping.. okie.. in one simple sentence..

NICE GALS LIKE ME ALWAYS STAY SINGLE...bcos we are not slutty enuff.. Wahahahahah

Ok.. my whole point is to emphasize I'm nice!!!!! So..Kingone..If you are reading my blog.. pls ask me to marry you.. WHAHAHAHAHA.. you will not regret.. *Bleahz*

Alrighty.. I'm just in one of the Kranky mood...

But sadly..this is so true.. Sluttish gal always gets the guy..WHY?? You know why?

Cos alot of DUMB GUys.. fucking let their 2 balls that measures less than 6 inch wide made the decision which gal to take.. SEX SEX SEX SEX.. chop off ur bloody DIK ok....
We are on parallel platforms... Gals have 2 round things as well... just that yours is hanging on the outside doesn't makes you the KING...

Sex is such a powerful tool... it decides & seal your fate.. Some Sluts shamelessly used their cunt to maneuver Dumb Diks & loose balls.

Therefore.. my conclusion is I'd rather die a LAO CHAR BOR.... than be a 千古醉人 & 遗臭万年...

ooo.. btw my dieting & striving to get into perfect tip top condition is not to be a SLUT okie.. It's health-wise as well to gain back my confidence...& turn my nose at those fuking arrogant sluts & bastards who thinks they have a perfect life.

Some half-fuk Lil'SLUT said I'm not even pretty.. KNN.. i cursed she will forever have the TAU SA PIA Body.. round round FLAT FLAT.. no boobies.. lots & lots of tire at the waist..

I'm pretty ok.. just not beautiful..at least i dun need to buy push-up bras...
eat this..my worry is not able to get big enuff Cup size when come to buying bra... BE JEALOUS..I dun need to think of doing a boob job. but u.. u piece of lil'sluttish flat face needs to reconstruct the whole of yourself!!!! Bless you to have PAINFUL SEX LIFE!!! **humprffffffffffffffffffffffffff**

She's someone i dun know.. I bump into her @ Blk 278 Yishun Street 21.. If you know anyone who knows her at these block & have the 监觜 like this lil'slut.. I just wanna express my consolence to her for being born SHORT n FLAT...

Dun blame me... I'm only mean when provoked...

New Love

2007-11-22T23:08:00.000+08:00

Well.. as if..

It's not really a love.. just an insatiable desire to have some I can admire...

Juk Teen did not really keep me on going for long.. it was pretty short of a month or slightly more...

the New eye candy... taaa daaaaaaaa.. .oO(gOsh.. i sound like a lil' school gal.... tis sickening...)

Well... i was in pretty bad mood.. caught this taiwanese drama.. Why Why Love.... Kingone Wang Chuan Yi was totally a cool guy as Huo Yan....

XiaoMei..Rainie.. Kingone!!!!!

Kingone...Rainie.. Mike He..

Catch this yourself.. I ain't got all the time to do story-telling..

Cute.. isn't he.. dimples.. i like.. his nose is damn damn sharp.. i like...

the sadness he protrays.. i like....i like!

His mischevious antics during breaks.. i like .. i just like...

His smile... his jawline showing when he smile....I simply like like like!!!..

His latest album... for the drama... wonder if the DVD of the drama is already available in the stores....

He will in Sg on the 24Nov!!!!!! @ Bugis Junction...

Being me.. i wun go.. haahaa.. i think... Maybe i will.. if i did... He will be the first celebrity i actually made an effort to catch him @ the public rave......haaaa..

Darn.. can't access you-tube to watch ep13... arghh.. nvm.. go zzz early!!!!

nitez & SmOoOChies!!!!!

.oO(I'm in loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)

haahaa..j/k

NeW TOY!!!!!

2007-11-18T03:13:00.001+08:00

WoOoo Yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.................

I've got a new toy today~~~ guess what's that....
New CellPhone!!!!! Samsung U700

Not very used to it....Currently it's charging via my PC & transferring Juk Teens Songs...

YES!!!!!! no more tolerating IRRITANTS who yaks/blast their FUGLY music OUT behind me on bus....can finally sleep in peace....

Needs to figure how to send it up.... sleepy.. must go Body Pump later in the morning...

Just some random thoughts...

Sushi always bark when I open my house gate.. I realised he recognised the sound of my keys!!
Jerry was a few second earlier than me the day b4, surprisingly Sushi did not baRk at all...
However, the moment I took out my keys to unlock my room, the jiggling sounds from my keys sparks his bark off..

Jerry confirmed that Sushi doesn't bark when he open the gate.. AMAZING... my lil'baby actually picks out the sound of my keys & used it to alert him that his Mummy's home!!!!

Shower time & zzzz time...
Amazing...

Slap FT silly

2007-11-18T03:06:00.000+08:00

SLAP FT SILLY SILLY TiLL HE COUlD nOt get SILLIE ani FuRther!!!!!!

on MSN....

Me: How come you nv call us at all for the past 3 weeks..
Ft: I did it on purposely one and you know how i feel

Me: So you got miss us?
Ft: haaha.. got quite a bit
Me: MEans NV!!!!!!

STOP THE MIKE & I thingy okie!!!!!!!
it's getting pretty utterly IRRITATING!!!!!!

nO why!!!!!!! It's simply he's not my kind!!!!!

SLAPZZ FT STUPID!

If I'm were to be a Mom....

2007-11-16T02:12:00.000+08:00

Read Kellie's blogging on how great her parents were.. Glad she's blessed with loving parents...

My Thoughts:-

Daddy left.. he doesn't has a choice.. Someone ~~STUPID~~ took him away forcefully .. just too bad.. at least i ~~try~~ ought to be grateful I had his love & fond memories for 15 years 2 months 21 days

~~The SLUT~~ If I am a MOTHER, I will not:-
1) Stab my child with a pair of shearing fabric scissor on her thigh & leave her to bleed throughout the whole ~~FUKING~~ night FOR NO FUCKING REASON

2) hammer her knuckles with the iron hammer

3) rain lashing blows on her child with the cane everyday JUST BCOS she's slow @ learning

4) Try to throw her infant child from the Sixth storey JuST becos her mind got short-circuited

5) Smash a metal bowl on her child's head.. in fact twice..

6) Grab her child's by the hair & threatened to snip it off just bcos her child used some of her own savings to buy a Polo Ralph Lauren Blouse which is her first branded stuff JUS to had a feel of owning a branded item.

7) Threatened to cut up the blouse

8) Threatened to kill her child if the 9-year could not get a pack of S$10 Xmas cards refunded.

9) Steal her HuBBy's money in front of her child

10) Lied that she bought the Stolen watch but in fact it belongs to her own sister!

11) Keep the best for her Son & abandoning her daughters

12) Tell her child constantly she's picked up from the trash centre

13) Let her son takes art lesson when he has totally NO CLUE what is art all about & tearing up her daughter's sketches.

14) Forcefully pull her daughter out of the Band by threatening to chased her out of the house.

15) Forcefully made her 13-yr old daughter part with her earnings to show off filial piety (DOES SHE DESERVED EVEN ANY????)

16) ~~Abscond~~ Keep the inheritance from her deceased hubby meant for the children's education for herself

17) have an adulterous affair with a MARRIED TAXI DRIVER

18) allowed a man , stranger to her children, to stay in the house overnight w/o even Prior RESPECT NOR COURTESY to inform/gain approval.

19) LIED to her 26 yr old daughter that the pack of CONDOMS are not condoms.

20) CONSTANTLY Slap her 5 yr old daughter just becos she could not differentiate Cantonese from Mandarin.

21) had an adulterous affair resulting the FUGhead's family coming up to create a DIN
22) BE FUCKINGLY STUPID ENUFF to have an affair with a married man..(SIMPLY DUMB as well as SELFISH

23) Admit to her 26 yr old daughter the affair was due to MONETARY ISSUES.. (so what de FUK happened to the inheritence left behind? it remains a mystery till date)

24) Gave her Hubby's present to her child - a puppy, away (how loviong a person can be when they dunche even have the heart to love little animals.. how responsible can they be to their own child when they could not even be responsible to little animals.)

the list can go on & on for days.... but i'm tired..3am in the morning.. I am not different from these gals..

Someone asked do I feel weird seeing my friends getting married & having babies & felt left out?

My answer is No... I dun wish to bring any sorry soul into the world. I may be responsible to give all my care & concern.. the GUY maybe be just half/TOTALLY rotten... An incomplete family is NOT a family..

At least an adopted child is being given happiness & delivered from sorrows.. It's like another life gets brighten up. The world is already a sorry place & state to be in..why bring another in & create even a sorrier story?

PMS @ woRk.. just ignore this post if it doesn't please your eyes.. This is life.. the world..the ME..

PMS-iSh

2007-11-13T23:43:00.000+08:00

I'm extremely mean gal today... What ever that was done by others, seen by me, irritates me & PISSED me off, were not spared from my lethally-venomous tongue... (okay lay.. i was only cursing silently to myself the whole day like a rattling fool!!!!!!! Cheesepie!!!)

YES.. I SPIT fiRe as well as breathes balls of fire... the whole day was definitely not going on smoothly.. In fact.. it's going o smoothly.. it's just my temper... I gets agitated by the slightest stuff ...

O gOsh.. my just thought i heard Sushi MEOWS... (Sushi's my pet dog..extremely naughty boy who pissed his Mummy off the moment she opens her room door)

Okayyyy.. back to me being agitated by the slightest stuff which usually i could keep my cool on...
I had these super craving for KFC... so lunch plans was to head to the nearest KFC @ braddell.. & GUESS WHAT.. i need to wait for 30minutes... WTH!!!!!!!!! Me & Ah Via left!!!!!

Went to the coffeeshop for Yong tau Hoooo ... HOO HOO.. GUESS WHAT..it's not opened... & I had the choice of only either Western Food or Duck RiCe...

Either Choice was Bad ChOiCe... It's not that the western isn't nice.. somehow or rather.. something was just NOT RIGHT!!!!.. you know.. NOT RIGHT.. & we do not know what is it...

The dUCk rice portion was PATHETIC.. taste of smelly DUCK.. it's just NOT UP TO MY FUCKING EXPECTATION... & not worth the price.. I think for future.. if i'm craving for Duckiee.. i will only go for the one nearer to my office....

I bought Chocolate Mint Ice Blended with pearl on the way back to office.. (something for me to slurp on... pamper myself silly..since i have NO ONE to pamper me silly.. but lots of ardiot friends who likes to slap me silly like i slap them silly..LOL..now.. r u getting confuse????)

I finished the whole of it by 2pm-ish.. GUESS WHAT HAPPENED... I THROW UP ALL MY LUNCH AFTER THAT.. super gross right?? BLAME IT ON THE DUCKIE RICE... I swear it upon my Weeny Cheen Cheen.. i will NV EVER had any duckie rice from that stall....ever ever eVER EVERRRRRRR again..FULL STOP...

Hell no.. I'm not anorexic... try having unsalted lunch for 2 months .. u know what i hellva means... This really makes me realise how UNHEALTHY economic food is..OILY..SALTY..SODIUM MANY MAY..MSG MANY MANY MANY MANYYYY...really like what the hell.. hawker food & coffeeshop food is a BIG BIG HINDRANCE to my diet plans.. NO WONDER my weight stagnant & refused to bulge lower.. knsai.....

Ok.. back in office.. I'm whining non stop.. abt being depressed..being pissed.. being MEAN.. when they ask me why.. i tell them cos i did not get to eat my KFC during lunchie!!!.. I was practically bawling like a BIG baby... arghh..

After throwing up, only than i realise.. in fact it's my guilt & pms @ work.. lastly for not gym-ing out for the past 2 days...GUILT.. all the guilty pangs.. the thoughts of me ballooning back to a Biggy Fatty Bomb Bomb Irks me... the sight of myself looking so fat kills me.. tearing me apart.. not with the words. but the silence of cold stare i get from the other side me.. I'm almost hearing myself saying.. "fat Fug.. why did u fucking binge like a water hippo.. ur waistline is laughing at you.. & cursing you ...as evil as hell you are.. knowing you are not suppose to binge on such items..you jolly well dig ur fat fingers into it.. can you jolly wake up your fucking idea can.. you will never GO BACK TO your slim days!!!!! & to think you had KFC just now for dinner.. SO WHAT if you shared a meal with Ah Via... You ate the fucking whole chunk of oil soaked cRiSpy skin!"

OK..TML I'm sticking back to my boiled broccoli & baked salmon & crunches b4 lunch...I'm going crazy.. not schizophrenic....this whole dieting & losing weight stuff is getting off-hand a bit.. I was happy though.. i measured.. 1.5inch off my chest..1.5inch off waist.. compared to my last attempt of 15kg shredded in a month's time.. this is much more healthier...

FT: who says my chest will not go SMALLER.. It just did okie.....

Like I said I'm in a super easily agitated as well as mean mode.. This would also contribute to my insecure nature as well.. especially upon seeing that one of your friend hasn't been answering your call as well as sms.. eventually answered some-elses call... This really hit my roof-top.

I DUN UNDERSTAND.. seriously.. why de FUCK would someone hold on to a cellphone but doesn't piCk up or answer your call neither REPLY your fucking SMS-es..

(It's my nature.. & culture to use the work "FUCK" alot...it's not a profanity to me... but just my culture..MINE..okay.. offended? too bad.. SUE the authors of the dictionaries...you can easily find the word FUCK meaning sexual intercourse.. dunche cheesepie-lly tell me its crude.. ur parents fuck to have you.. you are not borne from a stone..try telling ur parents they are crude.. be a monk/nun if you cannot withstand such crudeness.. that's the way the world is & the way I am)

Perpetually PISSED, i Sms this particular friend of mine..

"My purpose of calling you is to ask about FT..If you felt irritated about me calling you!.please state so & instead of keeping quiet about the whole damn silence..Aniwei rest assured as I will not ever call up again."

After I sending this.. i deleted his contacts from my cellphone... I do not see a need to keep someone's number in my phone book whom i call & nv get an answer.. the same goes for the others in my phone list. I'm not a phone directory.. contacts that are not necessarily to be in contact always finds their way out.. Simple as that.

Call me childish..this is me. I dun keep friends to grow thousand years Ginseng.. nor cobwebs...i dunche keep friends who back stabs me .. neither do i keep friends who ignores me most of the time.. aniwei the latter are not friends.. cos they nv in the first place see you as a friend.

I know this' a long post.. but i just want to release my pent-up anger..

An angry lady is no lady.. Just a bee-yOtCh who will gnarl your guts out & served in place of the goose liver paste on the appetizer palate to appease her anger.

PhutuRe &.ZOuk..Sighzz..

2007-11-12T21:43:00.000+08:00

Saturday was a BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRING NIGHT... know why??

Cos my tEEns-twilight playground Phuture was fucking-fillllllllllllllllled with KiDDos that Pranced ard on Ballet shoes of the wrong siZZe....

OKayyyyyyyyyy.. I'm not trying to say I'm a hot dancer.. but... GOSH.. the whole place was filled with them.... iRRitating not to mentioned... they SCREEEEEEECHHH like it's their first time there...

Total TuRneD-Off.. was I ever like them???.... NV!!! not even in A MILLION YEARS!!!!!

gReatly appreciate Made-Line for inviting me to join them... but i guess.. THERE IS A GENERATION GAP between me & the ppl down there...

AhVia was with me & we both were BORED DEATH.. HOnestly.. REALLY BORED till the extend of telling each other... R.I.P ...

We gonna let these pricks ruin our evening?? HELL NO... we went over to Zouk & explore the new grounds abit.. It was the first time I've been there ever since they closed down the last time for renovation... the change in layout.. slight change.. as in.. the platform is just being shifted a couple of steps away... ceiling banners looks different... Still the very same place when i first step in.. when was that.. I simply can't recall.. mambo days? that's hellva long!

aniwei we got ourselves the "illusion" drink & proceed to chill out on the 2nd level on near the baggage counter... tok abt ex.. abt past experiences.. tok abt how SHITTY GUYS are nowadays... talk about missing the feelings of being in Love...

Think we in love with being in Love... hahaaa.. skip this.,. I'm just yakking craps...

We saw a ex tCs actor.. solitude..& by himself... weird.. errie.. LOL.. not sure what's his name.. but he was in this sitcom on "radio broadcast" very long ago .. "Bo (1) Yin (1) Wang(2) Zi(3)" Sharon Au acted in it as well..

Aniwei we just ignore him & carry on our chat b4 deciding we should head home..at least in Zouk..we felt better...

ooo.. NEVETHELESS.. CAMWhoRIng would be a definite NO NO missed..

We took alot of "Qian Bian" PiCs.. whahahhaa"

WOoOoo..playful looking eh!!!!

We saw it!!!!!! but wad was that "it"???

So near yet so faRRRRRRRRRrrrr...

I know this is CHAO UGLY.. but I'm loving it...

Yo Yoo Yo man YOOOoo~~~!!

NG ARH!!!!!.. i trying hard not to giggle.. she not ready to strike the pose... Ba Lek!!!!

This is when 2 major ultimate Beee-YotCh want to gouge each other guts out.. haahaa

Mentos can get us do an advertisement ... "Orang Utan frown @ mentos"

eRrrR.. yeeeeeeeeeee Yurrr.. wad she doing ar???

Wow liew eh.. can see uy double chin....... =(

STOOOPID FT... if u r Reading this.. WHERE THE FUK U Go... i miss u deep deep.. slap u silly when YOU R BACk.. KNN!!!! MIA ..dun want us liaoz hur.. ~!@#$%^&*()_ U SAI lah U!!!

Miss Clarity Cafe wif Jasmin on a late Night Friday~!!!!!

2007-11-10T00:41:00.000+08:00

Me Me : I went to a new cafe just now... the food not bad...
LeFel : you so free ah..
me Me : Miss Clarity cafe... after work with colleagues mah.....

Honestly speaking.. I'm kinda of free after work nowadays.. heehee & starting to explore new places to chill... Not to mention taking the chance to CamWhore... but i did not today...

not much peeks as the cafe was kinda of crowded.. not really nice to snap snap away like nobody's business.. what if someoone just came up to me, snatch my cam.. & expose the negatives..

OoOopz.. Digital Cam no fil-lim one loh... heehee

Only Jasmin & I were the last to leave the office... whilst locking up the gates.. she said she's hungry & wanted to go for a bite...actually.. she said she's very hungry...

God Bless.. Bus 163 arrived shortly when we reached the Bus Stop.. not like the other time.. freaking 45mins of wait for just leass than 10mins of travel... TOOOOPID right... more stupidty comes forward.. i actually waited 45mins..ZZZzz.. okie "off topic'

We decided to try out Miss Clarity Cafe.. the decor looks really Girlish... the dim spot lightings seems to be cool place to chill & bitch ..
l0l
..YUH BITCH... i mean it..

I kinda of love the ceiling lamps & Girlish comic characters....

Jasmin was saying she is super duper hungry & can eat alot.....We ponder & ponder & again ponder & simply couldn't make up our mind... also the stuff like Fresh Oyster... Lobster Bisque.. NOT AVAILABLE!!!!! bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh .. Y lydat hur!!!

Aniwei we finally settle for...

Sides & Bites : - Potato Munch Skins!!!! ( potato skins topped with bacon bits baked with
mozarella cheese, served with mayonnaise)

Total of 6 halves potatoes... meaning 3 full potatoes! Quite hungry..therefore grab it b4 i remember to take peektures.... not very clear...but no choice... dun expect too much from an old 3.2M Nikon Cam....

Main Course :- "Old MacDonald Had A Farm"!!! (medley of steak, lamb chop, crispy chicken, chipolata, bacon, ham & potato wedges served with clarity's special black pepper sauce topped with sunny side up )

Very meaty... but feels it's too overdone.... Jasmin also agree next time request for medium rare...

The Sauce is a yummy too.. heehee

It was later we ordered under

Soup :- Garlic Bread Basket~~~~

This taste kinda of different from the ones usually sold in Pizza Hut or other Pizza Joints.. The taste is unique...& Spicy..it's really niceeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

See...Jasmin is enjoying her garlic Bread~~~~& not letting me take peeks!
Slap her silly....

Smoothies & Shakes :- Lychee Tutti Frizz

Look.. the Potato Munch Skins plate is EMPTY..it's nice... must try item.. heee

Sweet Desserts!!!!! : MUD OOZE..( warm moist chocolate cake oozing with chocolate lava
served with a scoop of vanilla ice-cream)

It's clarity recommendation & I've waited pretty long for it...
When it came.. the waiter told us it's hot..

Being Kan Jiong Spider... I was afraid the vanilla ice cream may just melt.!!! thus forget to take the pic of it only after I finished it... *Phewwwwwwwwww* Luckily their website has the peeks!

nice.. but too chocolatey...feels nauseating after finishing it....

Something else got my attention.... the pepper & salt shaker!!!! ..it looks so vintage!!!!

Overall it's a nice place.. but areas of improvement is there... they can make it more comfy...by having cushion seats....

Aniwei.. it's a pity .. i throw up most of the food once I'm home due to the journey home as Bus 855 wasn't very comfy & smooth ride home...

Okie.. it's 1.36am.. i am darn darn sleepy.. almost doze off on my bed....

Global Sound Cafe

2007-11-09T11:49:00.000+08:00

These are the peektures taken on Sunday @ the new chill out place in Chinatown.....

As it was already 10pm-ish..we had the whole room to ourselves...Yeh~~~

Initially, we settle ourselves in this corner...but... it felt weird...so....

the other corners of the room.....

This is the Cosy Corner we finally settle ourselves in....

Taken from the place i sat......

Looking out from the window..the street looks so forlorn.......

These the menu...obvious right.. haahaa.. No service charge.. no 7% GST!!!!!!!

Cui Han's alluring Poses.. heehee

Me, Myself & me me me me me!!!!!!

Our CamWhoring stunts... haahaa

oOo.. they have some board games there too....

It serves as a place for music lessons as well....

overall.. really cool place..to chill n slack~!!!

the stuffs ain't pricey either....

Food Galore...pampering treats

2007-11-08T03:15:00.000+08:00

It's Deepavali....a joyous festive season for our Hindu society.. however it's well deemed to be another off-day for me....

No hassles of oversleeping & rushing about like a hopping cricket...

At gym.. i reached a new level which gives me further motivation to keep on focusing on my targeted ideal weight.

At Yoga, I scaled a new stunt today which would help to strengthen my back muscles.. I have no idea how weak they were till during Yoga class on Tuesday.

Of cos today's schedules isn't just about work gym..yoga & home... For Chris' sake.. it's a public holiday eve... & we weren't ready to head home obediently after the workout.

We had body combat b4 our Yoga.. I perspire like a running tap & luckily AhVia brought her headband for me so that I would not need to suffer from eye infection.. My perspiration must be darn salty to have caused extreme eye irritation after each class.

When Yoga ended ..neither of us had any remaining energy to work out on the machines..& headed to the shower room to find it all fully occupied....

The thought to check out my weight again pop up & I heaved myself on the scale... satisfaction greeted me.. I'm delirious upon what i had seen... This is just way tooo good to be true... I'm a happy happy gal today..

We settle for Marche as both of us were too drained to walk further than that (Marche is JUST next to the Gym!!!!)

We agree to give ourself a pampering treat for being so hardworking!...

Everything went ga ga ... l0l... the peektures explains all

We were craving for brownies & that's our first stop!!!

Look at this sinful creation....

We can't bear to miss out any bites of ...the sinful indulgence

She's really bitchy-ly enjoying herself!!!

So am I!!!!

Next... Seafoood Paellet ..

The presentation isn't really fantastic.. I would called it a fail...
The taste is not too bad.. Ah Via like it though.. i prefer it with the Tabasco sauce with spring onions..

You can see we are really enjoying.........CamWhoring!

Next...my fave.. Rossti with course poRK~~~ Sighzz.. i asked for it to be very toasted... but the Cook just didn't do it.. irritating.. i saw more toasted ones...he said mine is more toasted..ARGHH.. as if I'm BLIND!!!!

haahaa.. Ah Via saying her prayers for the cut up pORky...LOL

When all's clear... Artistic aesthetics....

Our Damages............................

Actually the plate's empty...pic taken b4 we finished the last bit.. haahaa

haa..she's trying to hide...

Yum Yum~~~~~~~~~

Guess what's she doing???!!!

Cuihan still hasn't upload Sunday peektures to me.. SAD.... MuSt Pester her tmr morning!!!

Sleepy.. it's 4.35AM.. still need to gym later @ 12noon...

ZZZZzzzzZZZzz

new chill place.....loving it

2007-11-06T12:13:00.000+08:00

WooOooo. on a rainny Sunday late evening... CuiHan & I found a new Haven to chilllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll...

Unfortunately I did not bring my camera along... BUT.. she brought hers... KUDOS to her... laa laaa.. she hasn't upload the pics to me yet.. therefore i can only use wadeva that's available on their webby...

Check out the below peektures~~!!! there will be more once i get hold of our peektures...

When realisation hits you

2007-11-05T02:35:00.000+08:00

tis gonna be a real short post....

i was browsing through a long time friend's blog...

It really hits me that I've not been contacting her for a couple months... not only that.. she hasn't even drop any message like she used to.. not animore...

She seems so much of a stranger.. so pre-0cuppied with her worldly desires & strives. All for her little one out of wedlock... The distance has been pulled apart.. I couldn't help but feel.. She doesn't really bothered about my presence or concern.. no more calls

What badly follows were my thoughts.. maybe our friendship has been shelved long time ago.. & now been cleared away by the cleaning lady whom she engaged help to clear her unwanted stuff... & there.. our friendship on that particular place on that shelf has landed itself somewhere in the garbage truck like some abandon baby...

Maybe it's been my own fault.. giving too much care & concern to a friendship that i thought would last..that caused adverse effect.. Maybe what needed was monetary support.. not my worthless care.. penniless concern.

I no longer can find myself in any part of her life. She.. has her own group of friends.. those with good career.. those who can give her a push maybe in her future endeavors maybe...

Very tempted.. to cut off all contacts.. yes.. all.. not just her... I spend too much time on ..worrying my friendship would all leave me..like how Daddy has left.. It's happening.. & that's so disheartening.. for today, as i scroll through my phonelist.. & realisation hits me that almost none of them i feel i would feel really comfy hanging out with...

Right at this very moment.. all i could do is to hug my knees close to my chest & hide my face in between my knees...hoping that i have a pair of wings that would tightly engulf me & shelter me from all these heartaches.. if only my heart would not response to hurt.. there seems to be no words i could place on my tongue on how lonesome the world has become ever since 1996 21st March.

This...is when my gloom plants its roots firmly.. to uproot it.. hardly possible...

the HuRt...pain..inflicted from the words of a friend

2007-11-03T00:06:00.000+08:00

Have you wondered.. that hurtful words coming from a friend is worse than having it coming from a stranger....

The pain..hurt is really indescribable.. it happened today & tears came with it.. I had to quickly stifle a yawn to cover my tears... Totally useless I was.

I jolly well knew that the sarcasm wasn't charging at me, but the fact is I was the one who startled her off with that comment.

I know i shouldn't be feeling bad about it.. but I simply couldn't control my heart not to response to such hurtful comments.

This, I can see, are the retribution of the harsh & reckless young me. I was pretty much a straight-forward one, said stuff w/o thinking if it would hurt the feeling of another. I does reckless stuff w/o giving a damn whether someone else feels bad abt it,..

Now, at my age.. freak... it's nearing to the dreadful day again..., I'm getting it all back at myself..

Recently getting too emotional..crying at the littlest thing..
I think its time to get out there..reach out.. widen my social circle of friends.. but.sighzz.. I'm so worried of rejection.
Maybe getting too lonely..

But i'm truly a useless one.. Monday i'll be brand new again...sighz...

Where the hell has FT gone.. facebook facebook.. but nv msn.. must slap him silly when he's back... doodoo kookoobird him.

52 days to bangkok trip... can't wait... to getmy birthday cake from MBK... so pretty..

Planned to get the cake & bring it back to the hotel room to celebrate my birthday..
AhVia said she& Jasmin will throw in some "beetle chilli sauce" ...

dunche know what's that.. but I'm sure these two must be having something up their sleeves.. aniwei..it's still too early to fret..LOL

I got myself a ring today! finally.. it's stainless stain.. kinda of plain but with my name engraved on it.. It cost me $17.90 including the engraving.. & i'm regretting it now...

I've gotten it from Bluez in Queensway..my advise.. dun engrave your stuff there.. I had clearly checked for scratches b4 handing them back to engrave my name.. it got another scratch on the other side .. & the lady said it was there b4.. the scratched is obviously from the engraving knife..too neat & straight.

What pissed me off was the other sales person said that " I ya, you wear it after sometime sure have scratches 1 what"

I'm like thinking "so what.. I just bought it & i expect it to be in perfect condition.. 17 bucks for a fucking piece of stainless steel ain't cheap alright..whether will there be scratches after I've worn it for sometime is really non of your fucking problem.."

What a bitch & lousy sales personnels.. I shall bear in mind never to patronize that stall every again.

Okay..gtg.. having workout session with the fitness trainer @ 10am...
I must get back my shape by Dec b4 i fly Bangkok!
Nights!

Revision on the aspects of life...- Dreams...

2007-10-28T00:34:00.000+08:00

There has been a lot on my mind lately as well as several matters weighing on me... came across many visuals...i can't really say they are visuals... but.. seeing those stuffs.. really made me put on my thinking cap...

Life revolves around work.. gym.. weigh loss stuffs... home.. the usual stuffs.. once home.. i would face my comp.. as usual.. check on Kellie.. ensuring she not in her teary moods.. I can fully understand how she feels..the only difference that's she's in London.. while I'm in Singapore..

Ironically, the feeling is quite there.. Even I have friends around me, relatives & close friends... the platform to stand & stay on, called reliability, it's presence is simply missing.. not reliability in the sense of business.. trust.. I think is more like.. the feeling of you know that when you need a shoulder to cry on.. there is someone you can turn to.. someone for you to hug when you needed one.. someone whom you can easily tell your fears.. sadness..weeping sorrows.. I realised.. i do not seems to be able to find any..even though they are around me..

They are so close.. yet.. too far away to be reached out to..

When was the last time i hug someone? months ago.. it was Sunand.. but the hug was a restrained one.. as well as a goodbye (Long time friend... whose leaving for Aussie & hard to meet up as well!!!) .

Why restrained.. I can't answer that.. hugging someone even not very close wasn't hard for me many years ago... But it seemed so hard now.. even if FT had asked for a friendly hug on a few occasions.. i flatly refuse.. it's not that i suspect he's not up to any good..

With him around me, i feel somewhat safe.. not that I have something for him.. it's just that the trust in him i can't find it on any other guys....that I know even if I lay next to him nude, nothing would happened & I could still slumber safely without any worries...Maybe it's becos he's GAY..LOL

A weird feeling washed up to me this morning... really weird..the feeling of missing Ft & wanting to Hug him woke me up.. This came up to me very clearly cut... the kind of hug is like I wanted to flung my arms over his shoulders & cling on tightly... & cry.. I do not know what came over me.. the feeling is just there...

Maybe I just had too much weird dreams recently..a couple too many....

Funny part is in all my dreams... i was slim.. Prophecies??

the first was on a Thursday or Wednesday i suppose..
I dreamt was engaged to this new guy(some local celebrity..not even acquaintance) i like recently.. & before me he had this really fabulous.. hot..model gf..whom he dumped to marry me..WOW RIGHT.. far-fetched dreams are like this.. that's why they are called dreams.... Hahaaaaa

I was the kinda jittery bride in the dream cos i have been hearing from many of our friends they are still somewhat together.. just that no strings attached.. it's just occasional companions.. & He still hangs out pretty much over her place overnight despite the fact we are getting married..VERY SOON in the dream..lol ..

I was like a teary fiancée whose totally lacked of self-confidence that could keep her man... I drove a sport car to meet him to have a talk & have half the mind to call off the engagement.. at the same time hopefully he would do something drastic to made me change my mind...Think he took over the wheel & as he was driving..the conversation goes

Me (teary..& choked emtions betrayed by my voice) : Why did you break up with her to be with me?
Silence...................
Him : Why don't you asked me why did i asked to marry you........

& THEN I WAS WOKE UP BY THE ALARM CLOCK!!!!! ( I think...LOL)

GAWD!!!!! Orgasm right!!! when the important part is coming to.. I was forced to awake...SIGHZZZ
This dream has not been continued since then.. LOL

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This Morning's was even weird.... I dreamt that 3 of my friends concurrently were trying to win a bet on me..however, i can recall only 1 of the incdent now..

3rd Dream :-
A long time brother cum friend( i remember whose he)...suddenly asked me out.. & he rides a bike.. (not so him... he was never into bike at all)
But somehow or rather he asked me out on a date... to stroll along Vivocity... funny dream...stroll at the park facing sentosa...

Another weird part is that pillion is usually sitting behind the rider... He told me to sit at the front while he sits behind me controlling the bike.. as we travel... weird.. it's like as if we were so close to a certain proximity

then somehow or rather he was trying to persuade me to go to this building just next to Vivo...the one that has a rotating tower ...but in the dream.. that place is a HOTEL! he was like half dragging me to it & i seem reluctant to advance towards it & mention i left my purse at his vehicle..& quickly u-turned...

He caught up with me & walked together.

As we walked out... he apologised.. He confessed that he had a bet with 2 of our friends that he was able to bed me..

This horrible dream really strikes me awake!!!! scary...

The other 2 i can't recall... & I'm worried.. cos they said if you dun remember your dreams details but you know you dreamt of it.. it would happened.. which means the other 2 might really happened!!!

Weird Dreams right....SIGHZZzzzz..

The Night's damned hot.. going off for a shower..

There are still so much more to blog abt...

Friendship's accountability......

2007-10-10T01:18:00.000+08:00

This is weighing too much in my mind & causing my slumber to be postpone till I get it off my chest.

I was trying by all means (ok.. all i had was my cellphone) to get to a close friend knowing the fact she is feeling kinda of down. Despite my numerous attempts & missed call, no response.. means no response.. It kinda of got me worrying on the silly things she might attempt.

Back home, she was OL, msg her..no response still..called her..& she told me she's not in the mood to talk..

This really set me wondering..WTF... Why am I getting this feeling that more & more of my friends are doing this to me.. first was FL, den JT..ok now her...(least of my expect)

Well, since you need none of my concern & my presence is totally redundant..okie,, this is really fine...I mean...fuck loh... I've my own share of woes & problems as well... when i am not in the mood to tok.. I simply tell them st8 " Sorry, not really in the mood to talk now" BUT NO..simply no response... this really irkes me & the feeling is definitely a no no... Since my concern & worry is uncalled for...I know where my stand is now.

Are all these due to the hectic working life? Maybe...but deep down in me, the voice's telling me not. It's just a close friend accountability towards another i guess.. Once.. someone.. i couldn't recall who it was.. quoted to me friends aren't forever, family is..

To me.. now.. both aren't forever, no such quotes "go through thick & thin.." , blood is thicker than water, no.. not to me.. as far as i can see. Human by nature is selfish, care only for their own welfare..& disregarding whether that cross their paths that could jolly have an impact on the life of others. There are countless live samples ard me..

Really loss for words...
Or maybe its me that's getting older..
maybe i am slumping into depression..
But for sure, this wasn't a good thing to end a day & start anew..
The aftermath is terribly solitary...

Customer Service not up to standard

2007-10-09T23:59:00.000+08:00

I was pretty excited when i rcvd the mailer telling me i can change my Pin for my Citibank credit acct.

Therefore upon & after loggin on, I was perpetually peeved by the unprofessionalas per my standard and totally user-unfriendly internet banking they have.

Wasted abt 30mins trying to get what i need to do, but to NO AVAIL.. really.. WTH!!!!

Therefore i drafted a long complaint! no.. i meant feedback!

What is this One-Time Pin all about? I've rcvd instructions from your mailer I am able to login via citibank.com.sg to change the Pin. BUT all I've been thrown back at my face that i need to have this pin in order to access.

Now, isn't this an irony? The website is totally unfriendly, am not able to locate any explanation/info on One-Time Pin and was prompted to call 63382228 w/o any indication that it's only available during office hours & find myself being routed from one ring tone to repetitive voice greetings & long waiting time.

W/O much of a choice i've to call up 62255225 instead, once again long waiting time, ringing goes on & on.

Finally, a lady CSO by the name of Emerad responsed. She was pretty helpful but needs improvement. She had kindly explain & help to update the details & advise 5 working days to rcvd the pin via my Cellphone.(AGAIN, this wasn't advise when i submit the request for the pin via the website!)

I had asked her if in the case I did not rcvd any sms pertaining to this, what should I do.
Her reply was " you will definitely get the pin via sms in 5 working days time"
Again i stressed "what if I did not get it"
She adamantly replied " All our customers will definitely get it, you just need to make sure it's after 5 working days"

Now, wouldn't it be more appropriate if she could reply " No worries, you would definitely get it in 5 working days. If not, you can always refer back to me again. I would gladly check what could have gone wrong."

Being confident is good, but most customers would not think likewise.

I had to suggest to Emerad that if i could refer back to her if in the case I did not rcvd the pin in 5 working days time. Of course, this she gladly obliged.

As an ex-CSO, I do not think this is the right approach to assure a customer, especially after I had expressed my frustration on the long waiting time & improper/incorrect information from the start of the conversation.

At the end of the day, it's not apologies that turn a frustrated customer into a satisfied one but the right assurance being put forward to enable your customers to understand that their queries are being taken care of & not chucked aside.

P.S All the unnecessary waiting could be avoided if the website/mailer are equipped with the rightful & helpful information.

Cannot believe this is Citibank customer service standard..totally... ridiculous!

Today wasn't a fantastic day either, i gain back some of the weight that i have lost... my lunch wasn't lesser than what i planned.. took carb... took fats.. sighhzz... totally SHITTY!!!!!!!!

Signing off.. need my slumber..else i would have to cab to work again....

Good Night everyone

The guRl that walkss & walkss & walksss.. & walksssssss

2007-07-22T01:03:00.000+08:00

Believe it or not... I've walk home again...scaling new records ... this time was from Cityhall Station...on foot.. back home...didn't want to get home to have my mood ruin by that lame-shit-fat-ass-slut again.

The night before, i was such a goody lil'guRl.. i pop myself straight onto bed & slept till wee 3plus am...it's was a good 6 hrs of sleep...

Ard 9am rcvd ahVia's sms to meet up for our pre-arranged K-lunch...

Rushed like hell..hah as always.. Mornings are alway a routine of Rush-like-hell..

We Yakk ki di Yakk kii doo yakk kii daaaaa for the next 3 hrs at K-box b4 going on separate ways as i need to do my daily Chore at Yishun - tutor Desiree..

As if i had step on million times of Doggie-poo.. the come-slap-me-as-i-am-a-loose-slut was there as well..
O well, i couldn't possibly swallow my dinner there with her ard.. I hate the sight of her.. i cannot stand toking to her.. i dun wish to talk to her or even hear her god-damn voice. I simply Just do not wish to be in any communication with her.. that's it.. the end.

So i smsed AhVia & ask tell her i would like to join her gang for dinner.. I really couldn't possibly bring myself to eat at the same table. i would be absolutely feel nauseous throughout.

After tuition session with Desiree, i rush off to meet my dates.. haaha

had dinner at Sizzler..salad bar..I love the Ice-creammmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...

Loiter ard with them...before heading home..yes.. walking home!

Along the way i had ponder... Wasn't walking the only transportation to get around anywhere b4 urbanization sets in... With Modernizaion.. all the luxuries spilling in..like diamonds falling down ..causing every single being to yearn for it...Way b4 civilization... the lush greenery was a beautiful sight to behold... now... sighzzz

Is this good or bad?? We seems to have forgotten the happy lil' trails we had had when we were in pre-school..excursions... all involves only walking.. n walking & walking..... not to mention the "fresh air" (now.. how to we gauge it is really fresh...? okie.. take a deep breathe..if you dunche feel nauseous.. it's fresh.. wth... believe me.. u r an I-D-I-O-T. haahaa

Oo.. yuh.. it took me 1 hr 45 minutes to walk home from Cityhall... It was a nice feat.. for me emtionally.... but not for my butt & thighs.. They went Numb when i reached bukit merah central.. Gosh.. i couldn't even feel my toes... Good gracious me there's a bus shelter just a few more stops away... moment my butt hit the stone seat.. My Butt cheeks React Greatly.. i could feel every inch of my butty muscles (if the is really any) crinching.. my crotch ..if it could speak.. it would let out a heave of relief.. no-comforting-words-can-soothe-my-butt-cheeks'-suffering-in-exchange-for-my-achievement
haahhahaha

Along the way, it was nice of Eric to call to check if i was feeling okie... He must have tot I might just simply dash out the road & let know Dumbi-driver run me over... haahaa Thanks sweetie.. If one has to die.. she's the one.

As i have to pass by Chinatown, there is this stretch whereby the pubs are located.. individual lil'business they are.. I walked pass this ex classmate whom i had some bad blood.. immediately could recognise her.. I nv did call out to her.. not bcos I detest her especially we used to be close pals as well..
I just didn't want to risk another chance to be stabbed by her again yuhyuhyuh..everyone's telling she might have changed for the better... & i should give her a chance... yuhyuh..still i didn't wanna risk any chances!!!

Ironically, a smoker myself, only-occasionally-though, i was bemused by the sights outside the pubs... haahaa.. almost on all doors.. it indicated Non-Smoking Premises haahaa.. & the smokers are gathering outside along the road to catch their hourly-routinized puff... How i wished i have taken the pictures of them.. *GiGGles*

thou shalt not be mean...

It was 7th heaven when i reached home.. along the way i keep echo-ing to myself.. You are reaching.. a little further more.. just a little further more.... Once in my privacy, i shed off all my outters.. Phew~~~ I was wearing a polyester fleece robe!!!. GAWD.. it was darn darn darn hot.. my jeans were soaked.. haaha..from you-know-what..

I looked into the mirror & found a totally wet-hair freckled cheek gUrl looking back..

Prop myself on bed & grab Sushi..Cam-WhoRe~~~

Sorrie.. too tired.. I shall post them later when i awake from my beauty slumber....

Bad Habits

2007-07-08T00:05:00.000+08:00

I shall not debrief on the happenings from Tuesday till Friday as been groaning & moaning all abt the pain i have doefully gritted thru in order to save as much dough as i have left in my ever-depleting acct.

Despite the pain...hahaa.. i always think my threshold of pain is good..., i went along as per planned to watch Transformers!!! with Pei & Kellie, last min contestant.. haahaa.. Francine.
The movie was superb! My concentration was at its fullest.. no teary eyes.. no muted yawns.. except..full-bladdered... i didn't wanna miss any shots you see...

I wasn't much of a transformer fanatic since i was a kid... always prefered Smurfs, carebears & Unicorn Princess i think, but went along as i was amused by the thought of my brother's childhood hero was made into a movie. & I'm glad i did not give it a miss...

The show was so intensively captivating that i almost felt my heart right in my mouth.. i scream along, i swear, i cursed, i groan...but i did not cry..

Francine was upset though & she was harping the whole night that it was such a pity that Jazz ad to die. Gosh.. our imagination went wild after the movie.. Kellie had her car with her, the night was still pretty earlier for us despite we weren't much of a pack of party animals..We were sort of cruising in Kellie's car for a comfy chill out place that's still operating..In the car, we were in a chaos situation,, started our juicy bits of ..wow, weee..whoaa.. & Kellie was driving down from the 6th level of PS's multi-storey carpark!... I swear it wasn't just 6 levels.. there were more!!..We started bitching abt going down is taking forever...haahaa..

Ended up in Holland V, Coffee Club.. ordered my fave. morning dew.. shared the finger foods with the girls. Honestly, the food wasn't fantastic... but luckily the company of the girls make up for it.

Kellie send us back.. & my friday was gone w/o much of a struggle... haahaa

Today wasn't a great day at my granny's place.

My Aunt was in a pretty bad mood i guess 7 she started complaining abt me coming so late to tutor Desiree.. I was kinda of peeved... Hello.. I aint staying nearby,, it takes an hr 15mins bus ride to her place & an hr by MRT.. I had to made an effort to travel like this every Saturday. I'm seriously not very happy with her unhappiness with me.. I dun just tutor her for just 2 hrs.. i spend almost the whole day to tutor her... It really irkes me to think she is starting to take things for granted...

Secondly, Desiree wanted to watch some HK drama showing on TCS 8, thus i told her to do her correction during the commercials. My aunt got pissed & retort that she is learning all the bad habits..

I'm like thinking.. What de Hell... she's like referring to me... KNN.. Now she is talking abt cultivating bad habits.. I really do think she needs to wake up her idea.. Watching the Telly during dinner is just as bad as doing homework during the commercials...

Talking abt bad habits.. for christ's sake..she is more of a bad example that i was alright!. She just didn't see herself first b4 she reprimand me.. O well.. What can i do.. Our Culture teaches to give in to our elders Despite they were doing the wrong things.. Pink ass Culture... to the hell with u..

Nevertheless, the past few days was heavenly, i did not get to see the ever-so-disgusting-that-i-can-spill-my-gastric-juice-every-time-i-see-her-fuck-face Slut! Thank you GuruJi.. You are the best. I'll continue to do my meditation fervently till i get all my material needs.

Bad Shape...

2007-07-07T03:39:00.000+08:00

Hasn't been blogging fer the past week.. wasn't really in any condition to blog for once i'm home, i hit the bed straight...

MOAN-DAY

Got in late the previous night.. resulting taking off the first half of the day from work...

It's really a MOAN day..I'm serious..
I was trying to push a carton to another dept when i sprain my back muscles..immediately i collapse to the floor due to the excruciating pain
Tried standing up, leaning against the cabinet...

The first thing that comes to me was.. darn.. not the time of the month again... i usually suffered from such aches when the time of the month is nearing..

However, this time the pain was more intensive. The aching soon spread to my abs muscles.. in between pains & aches.. i really couldn't differentiate what am i facing exactly.. As there was lots of work to rush & to be done.. , i simply could not handle as a few time i tried to walk a short distance .. i would collapse in pain.. colleagues were shocked & was concern if i'm gonna faint anytime..

I was in between laughter & moaning.. i have totally no idea what's happening..
After work, went right to a TCM practitioner along Upper Thomas
He applied acupuncture at my lower back & surprisingly it doesn't hurt a teeny weeny at all... but it got heated up after a while & i fell asleep.. he came waking me up.. I must have slept well.. cuz he actually said I must have had a good sleep

Good Gracious! did i snore???!!! geeez.. that's so very embarrassing. the treatment started ...

It's no-words-in-the-world-could-exist-to describehow the whole treatment felt.... This guy practically man-handled me! he had use the bones at the back of his hands to whacked.. YES.. WHACKED my lower back... i had gritted my teeth so hard that i thought they were gonna cracked into million pieces & dropped off my gums like meteor rain.

Thank GOD it was over in a jiffy, though painful.. i enjoyed it.. haahaa.. sadistic yah... it's always the after effect that follows, I would feel so relaxed & lossen up...

He wanted me to rtn the next day for further treatment.. but i was like.. no no....
Once a week is enough.. not twice!!! i am no egg mixture....

i could walk st8 for quite sometime & pain-free.. but soon the mobsters are back!! sighz.....

Alright.. need to stop here for the daily dosage..beauty sleep!!! might as well for the mobsters are back again...

Great..it's 4.20am...

Will cont' again...

Moving HOuSE!!!!!

2007-06-29T01:18:00.000+08:00

Yeah~~~~~ Moving house~~.. But only helping Ft to pack his stuff into boxes....

everything also dump into boxes.. hahahaha

Oo..finally got to see mike again after ft's bday in march...Mia in MSN..
teased him about blocking me..

Packing till quite late...

McDee for dinner.. the boys' treat.. starting joking on the occasion when we went MOS...

Had alot of fun & laugh till my sides ached.

These are my best friends in crime.... hahah of gosssiping & daring stunts...

I Love them for being with me.. crapping with me... & lastly loving me as well!!!

To someone, when you lose your friends who cares.. it would be such a sad thing... you may think you will be able find others...but what are the chances?
Treasure your friends while you still have them. Some things have no room for regrets...

Overall : Great day both at work & after...

can't wait to see my hair stylist to have my tresses trimmed... i am thinking of having a shorter length... so blardy HOT

KOoO KoOo .iep ask me wait.. & she will shower ... so sleepy right at this moment.. basket... slap her silly tml..

OOOO KAY. TIME TO GO.. NEED TO PAINT MY NAILS!

Being HomE LaTe...is heaven..

2007-06-28T01:29:00.000+08:00

1/2 hr to knock off~~ appears on my MSN of my workstation.. Cheery Geraldine chirpingly msg me....so much difference from her earlier msg.. " I just got screwed by my Boss!!!"

My Reply : "OuCh... it's must have been painful!!!" ( cheekily )
Her reply : Ha ha...it's not funny..
My reply: " BUt u laffed right?"
Her reply: it nv came.......

Drats... the same time of the day is worst than the same time of the month... home not-so-sweet home time

I have completed the not-so-urgent task & i have nothing to help me to act busy further

Pick up the handset & called Jane.. hahaha.. Hoping she will answer as usually she does not pick up foreign numbers..

Someone picked up the line...silence...

"Heeeeellll Looooo i croaked....

the other line : whose this....
Me: it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....me .me me me me...
Jane: "Ah B ah!!!!" *giggles* & then "knn"
Me: Wow kao...no reason tio meh...
Jane: you know i dun picked up strange numbers..
Me: yuh.. but now u picked up wad....
Jane: .............

Lubbish talks after this....ended up we met up at bugis.. for dinner..

Jane " What to eat..."
Me: Loin already..eat cheap cheap 1...
Jane: KFC~~!!
Me.. OKAy~~~ (enthusiastically) earlier i have cravings for KFC..
Jane: knsai.. no wonder okay till so enthu..
Me: heheee heehee

Dinner over..sit ard talk lubbish..as usual..
She knew i didn't want to go home early...neither does she..
we stay ard at the joint till ard 10 plus b4 we head towards the bus stop. while smoking away..haahaa..sound so junkie right...

On the bus.. ft called..conf. with pei..
Plans on going ft's place to pack his things b4 moving to Sengkang...FREAK.. now all of them are in SengKang.. N me.. still at this Shithole.. it's okie.. i will be able to move out in dec. i hope..arghh..

Open the gate.. silence..no oldshoecheesepiesmellycunthole slut face.. no dinner.. no bang bang..GOOD.. i feel so much happier..

See.. if i'm home later.. it's peace. no angst...

Do you call such a place a home? no

I just called it a place whereby i eat, sleep & shit.

Signing off..

i should not have come home this early

2007-06-26T21:37:00.000+08:00

It's was half past six when i looked at my workdesk clock... drats.. i dun wish to go home this early.

It's not fear.. it's just the blardie slut back at the house that i dunche wish to see cuZ it would surely end up me being pissed upon see her dare-u-come-slap-me fuck face.

True enuff, the moment i open the door, it was dark & the lights from the corridor cast its glitters on dining table laden with feast... too bad.. I'm not the little match gal from the fable tales..

In fact i was irked by the smell that sprang & bang right into my skin. CURRY.. freaking unhealthy,,, i hope she choked on her cooking or even end up having runs after comsumption. or even grow FAT & die FAT

from her room, out she came, as if i'm Gonna GOBBLe down her Cooking, she dsashed into the Kitchen to get the containers to keep the food.. & at the same time delibrately bang the containers on the table to show her discontent to me.

Imeediately went into my room & bang the door without casting an glance at her... form the commotion in the hall, she switched on the telly to catch the local free to air channel..Wadeva,, she can watch it all she wants & i'm not going to unlocked the scv channels.

I'm contemplating to d/c scv totally. i really need to move out by December.. Geraldine is right.. b4 i drive her nuts.. she has already driven me crazy..pissed..

Why are some mummies lydat.. what the fuck are they thinking up there? they treasure being fucked by cocks more than they value their flesh & blood. Gaw darn it.. i envy those sweet mummies.. which most of my friends has.

I saw my colleague's sweetness to her dotter.. WAd DUh!.. why mine is like Half-Fuck-Rotten.

Now in my room.. the headache is building up.. i am just so pissed.. Geraldine was trying to cheer me up on msn with dumb chinese proverb.. which i totally am DUH to them...she end being scolded by me... but i really do appreciate her crappiness to cheer me up. I blurted out to Sunand in a fit of exasperation to find a nice old dying man to marry me to bring me out of this SHITHOLE *Sighz*

all i know now.. i'm so fuming that my body is burning up & my skin feels scorching hot.

My only worry now.. is Sushi.. my aunt asked why do u want a dog? why not just use that amount of money you have used on your dog 7 used it on me..would'nt it be better

I dun blame her.. the women from the maternal side has no loving heart for animals. cos they have fear in them.

she doesn't know that Daddy is indirectly the reason to keeping Sushi with me.. I've lost girlgirl thanks to that fucking-cheesepie-smelly-numerous-fucked slut

I've only Sushi left in memory to Daddy.

In this world.. no one sees what i am seeing.. feels what i am feeling.. understands what i'm understanding..cried for what i have cried for..I'm alone . yes. that's true. I may have friends. but friends will always be friends..they will only listen.. not it just isn't the same like having Daddy ard.

I'm nv happy in this house.. not home.. I've no home since 1996.. the year daddy left. the very day home has came crashing down & in its place..it's just a battle field worst than war ..& there is only victim.. the 16 yr old me struggling to grow up to be tough & head-strong.

What would be me now..if that slut died instead.. i believe..things would be much different. I would get the father love i yearn for.......& not the me today...

the new week will be better.....

2007-06-24T23:08:00.000+08:00

Day in day out ..same routines .. all over & done with...
Is my life gonna be like this for the next 10 years?
shudderrrrrr

As a matter of fact.. i can't remember wad i have done from MOnday to Friday.. oOo
Went KTV @ BIshan NTUC with me colleagues.. 7 of us.. cus i have a free room voucher...
I'm not going to fell for the free voucher trick again.. ended up each of us paid $20+..it's daylight robbery!! hell manzz..

Pictures of took of myself wasn't the better side of me except .. i looked soo FAT OOO kayyyy.. I'm fat.. & i have half my mind to go on a hard core diet like what i did 5 yrs ago..tremendous weight loss.. haha.. dun know if i still have that same energy to do so... Now i am telling myself that i should CUT AWAY.. yeah..CUT AWAY all the Carbs intake... beak into smaller meals.. just half filled balloon in me.. BUT FOOD.. i love to eat food.. love to gorge myself silly at times.. & let out a really *giggles*mindbooozingloudlyflabbergestering bletch... heehee.

NO.. i must constraint myself..restraint from carbs.. just proteins.. maybe just veg!

Something really unpleasant happened on sunday... that loserpieceofshittycuntholefullofworms SLUT went visiting at grans place for a reason, complains of me not letting her use the scv..complains of the mess Sushi made..complains every single thing..thinking i would give in to her like i used to..

FAT CHANCE!!!!!! u lousylowlifepieceofshitty SLUT!

I was pissed..forever pretending to be pathetic..forever going ard telling others i am unfilial... How to be filial when all she does was treat me like a leech.. how do you call someone family when all she cares is only abt herself.. her own welfare.. & only does good things to show off to others that she is someone good..

I am sick of her conniving ways.. i burst out to granny after she ask me during dinner why did i treat that fucking slut this way...

As usual, her complaints always consisted of what i have done to her, & subtly left out were the reasons behind for my actions

With my outburst emotions & vague details for the reason i did all those things.. My grans said "in those days when grandpa ill-treat her..she did not do the same like wad i did..." I looked at her..with disbelief...n retorted.."does mean grandpa ill-treat her..she has got the right to do the same to me..it's different now. & I'm not her."

HELLO~? she just JEALOUS that grandpa dotes me when he's very much alive..how dumb is She.. & she gets dumber as well.. in short.. i believed, she married daddy..just to escape harsh life with grandpa.. if she loves daddy.. she will not be ill-treating me like what she has been doing.. she will not have that dumb affair with that yeow gui seng,7 with his whole family coming over & creating a scene.. this still rang thru my mind very vividly.. i would nv forget those moments.. Aunt Juan asked me if i would ever forgive that slut/..

My answer is firmly said:-" NEVER..never in this lifetime..not even when she is dead!"

So much angst for this week.. i want a bettr new week..
Dear Guru Nanam, i want to be happy the whole of this week.. can you remove that bad lady from my life..once & for all. I'm worried i might just do something that i could not control if she were to incur my wrath again.. Thank you & signing off to bed.

Get Over it..& get out of ShitHole...

2007-06-19T01:28:00.000+08:00

Someone quoted " ppl do change".. I'm loss for words.. change overnight? nice try.. BUT WHY M I NOY CONVINCED????

Reason being.... it happened b4.. just bcos one is confused... based on someone who stood up for you.. doesn't mean that you can throw your AP at me... doesn't mean in the past i would coax you to speak up ..I would do it again.. I'd get sick of doing such things.. why not for a change.. you come & coax me??? I ain't an expat for that trade.. & i dun even thing i did any WRONG to deserve this..

I am telling myself to get over & done with this whole incident.& also remind myself nv to bring a big bag when going clubbing.. just inviting unnecessary troubles.

One of my new year resolutions....i know it's a bit too early for that...but planning in advance does serve its advantage.. to save up & get out of this SHIT HOLE.. hard to let go.. cos of all daddy's memories.. but i think i had enough.. once i moved out.. i have nothing more to do with that SLUT..dirty lousy..stinko SLUT.. just my luck to have her genes inm e.. if science allow the alteration of eliminations of UNWANTED GENES.. i'd GLADLY remove hers.. cheesepie lousy..slimy ..digusting..SLUT...

I'm as guilty as pea... I haven been doing my meditation.. i mUST I MUST I MUST DO MY MEDITATION.. NOTHHING BAD CAN STOP ME... I must.. & i will get to do my meditation every morning & evening...

I must get to move out by this Dec..I want to be happy on my Bdsy.. a new place.. a brand new HOME.. & i shall no longer need to bear that scheming slut fREAKO FAce...

DahLings~~ gimme the strength to conquer all...

Guilt??

2007-06-06T01:54:00.000+08:00

Every morning, the first issue that cringes me was my lateness... I nv failed to go back to sleep despite the fact i woke up as early as 6am... something inside me just told me " Hey you have 30 mins to laze.. you would be still in time for work... if the bus arrived just in time when you reached the bus stand

I really hate to wait for buses... spoilt for choices, i have the tendency to board the oncoming bus & catch the buses that can send me to work some bad habit i picked up during school days.. i was using the student pass!!.. no matter how many service i switched.. it wouldn't charge more or less...

Right now, 2.02am, WHAT DA HELL!!! , I'm still awake... oki.. a min pass.. it's 2.03am... Welcome to the World...where time is always RUNNING~~!!! tsk tsk.. Just how am i going to reconstruct my life... I need some discipline...real discipline...

There used to be this someone...who had the ability to make me go to bed b4 12am... constantly be my alarm clock for the morning..surprisingly.. nv failed to wake me up..or more like without going back to sleep...
Recently tried testing if he remember our past... subtlety..he avoided the topic...**shrugzz**.. I guess...I've really lost him...

Now, i have learnt to control my temper..some colleagues commented that i am bubbly & jovial... Have i really changed? or it's just my low-esteem & ego in the past that caused us to turn strangers? This.. i will nv be able to find out....

The Da Mother Code?????

2007-05-27T14:03:00.000+08:00

DaVinci Code? nhell no.. it's Da Mother Code...

I chance upon this piece of article.. recently.. feels that it's something good to share...i am amused by the writer's sense of humor ..which is with a tinge of sacrasm...

Down Under with Neil Humphreys.

Quote**************************

Thanks to spammers, my mum's phone calls are insane.

Spammers are making my life a misery. They are turning my mum into James Bond. A telephone conversation with her is a cross between a coded dialogue with a secret agent and a freemason's initiation cermony.

The calls are surreal.

"Hello, Mum, it's me. How are you?" I begin brightly. Silence.
"Mum, it's me, are you there?"
"Who is 'me'?"
"What do you mean, "who is me'? It's me. Your son."
"Prove it. Tell me your shoe size and the name of your favourite actor."

After adding $10 to the phone bill by discussing my enormous feet and Robert De Niro's resume, i finally convince my mother that i am indeed, me.

"Thank God, its you," she replies. "you could've been one of those telemarketeers."
"Mum, how many telemarketeers call up pretending to be your son?"
"you can never be too careful. Those buggers will try anything."

The fact that i have made contact with my mother is already a considerablke achievement, my reward for sucessfully navigating a laborious, vetting system of security chedks. It would be easier to get through to the Istana.

To Avoid the telemarketeers, my mother has developed a unique relationship with the phone. When it rings, she dosn't answer it.

"How am i suppose to speak to you, if you won't answer the phone?" I once asked.
"Call me and let me know you're going to phone me."

Honestly. I have to call, let it ring three times and then replace the receiver. If i then redial immediately, she may answer.

That's the coded alert to my mother. If i inadvertently allow the first call to ring four times, she won't pick. Because the telemarketeers are always calling potential customers and then hanging up after three rings, you knbow.

"You've got the Caller ID thing," I reassure her."Don't you realise it's me when it displays "international call'?"

"NO, they call up from Indai and discuss my life insurance while i'm making a shepard's pie."

NOw, my first job was delivering newspapers. By the age of 12, i was also working at my grandad's cafe, which involved burning toast abt ducking to avoid being punched by drunk Irish labourers. So, I try not to denigrate other people's occupations.

BUt there is something so finer-down-the-blackboard-annoying about the telemarketers thay they make me want to eat my own phone just so that i don't have to listen to them.

The frenetic speed of their voice doesn't help. Terrified that we are going to slam down the phone, they serve up as many tasty money-saving morsels of bait as they can in a bid to reel us in. The telemarketer who called this week sounded like Micky MOuse sucking on a helium balloon.

He said: "Hellomrneilcanisaveyouhundredsofdollarsonyourelectricitybillsandofferyouone
monthfreeelectrictyandthenpauseforbreathbeforemyheadexplodes."
The vocal bullet train left me so bewildered that i never paused to sonsider that this stranger knew my name,age and address and unaceptable invasion of privacy involved.

"Now I've got you on the phone," he continued. "How is your power supply?"
"Fine.Otherwise you wouldn't be talking to me on this cordless phone, would you?"
"ha, ha, Mr neil. That's a good one."
It wasn't. But these guys will stop at nothing to keep us on the phone. When they ask - as they always do - if there is anything else they can do, I'm often tempted to say: "Yes, can i borrow your wife over the public holiday?"

After his promise of a 10 per cent reduction in my monthly bill fell on deaf ears, my frantic telemarketer made a desperate attempt to appeal to my patriotism.

"The electricity is 100-per-cent Australian," he said produly to the boy from Britain.
"Is it really? Wow, that's a flag-waving fact, isn't it?"
"yep, we are the only company that offers electricity that is 100 per cent Australian."
"I always liked Singapore's service. Can you send over a few bucketful of Singapore electricity?"

Having enjoed the recent Voices letters on the Spam Control Act in Singapore, you don't win a tin of spam for guessing my views on spammers. Whether it's a telemarkete offering kangaroo electricity or an email gauranteeing to extend the old cuckoo bird, it's all spam, to paraphrase Monty Python.

Spam with emails. Spam with text messages. Spam with phone calls. Spam with spam. Thanks to the spammers, i must break the Da Mother Code every time I call her and it's getting increasingly difficult.

I know her shoe size, but I can't remember why she fancies John Travolta.

Unquote*********************************************

See what i mean?

I do agree with him.. some telemarketers really get on my nerves.....
But then in Singapore, whereby ppl work like robots... I dun blame them....

Try it?

2007-05-08T02:23:00.000+08:00

You Are a Great Liar

You can pretty much pull anything over on anyone.
You are an expert liar, even if you don't lie very often.

Are You a Good Liar?

You Are a Flawless Beauty!

When it comes to beauty, you spare no expense - and it shows
You're the kind of woman a man would launch a thousand ships for
It's hard for anyone to beat you in the beauty department
But remember, it's okay to show a flaw or too - you've got plenty to spare

What Type of Beauty Are You?

What People Think of Your Mouth

People see you as both demanding and irresistible.
You are often the center of attention - and that's how you like it.
You are up for anything and very energetic. People sometimes propose wild ideas to you.
And who knows? Maybe you'll take them up on it. You are known to be a little freaky!

What Does Your Mouth Say About You?

You Inner Gender is Female

You're sensitive, caring, and willing to connect with anyone who's open to you.
You make friends easily, and you enjoy all sorts of conversations.
You understand most people you meet - better than they understand themselves.
You're totally a woman... or at the very least, your soul is female.

What's Your Inner Gender?

You Are 52% Girly

You're a little girly, a little boyish, and probably a whole lot indie.
You have your own unique style, and it pretty much defies gender lines.

How Girly Are You?

You Are a Bad Girl

You are 30% Good and 70% Bad
You're a total bad girl, from your wild hair to tattooed toes.
But you're too badass to even care if you're labeled "bad"!

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

You Are 62% Bitchy

While you may not think of yourself as the ice queen, admit it, you're often in a bad mood.
And it's those around you who often bear the brunt of your annoyance, even if they haven't done anything wrong!

How Bitchy Are You?

You Are 60% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right?
But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

How Weird Are You?

You Are a Meaty Sundae

Wacky, savory, and unconventional.
You're an "acquired taste"... no doubt about it!

What Kind of Sundae Are You?

Your Love Style is Eros

For you, love is all about the passion!
And chances are, you're currently in love.
You have a strong physical response to love...
And you are great at committing
(As long as the person makes your toes curl!)

What's Your Love Style?

It's not a matter of choice

2007-05-07T01:16:00.000+08:00

I didn't want to sound like a cry baby... but right now.. the tears are giving in to the law of gravity...

Who says memories are fond... it's so not true.. I'm thinking of Daddy again, but wad trigger it was being told by a friend that i am lonely & needed a bf

It sparks me off with the thought of.it's not true..it hit me hard.. i am still missing Daddy badly..real badly.... It could be cos 3rd Uncle had been so nice coming over to fetch me from Chinatown to Vivo to watch a movie..shopping ard...paying for all my expenses like what Daddy used to.. fetch me from here to there..encouraging with little treats to make me work harder for better academic results..
This thought.. i just couldn't help crying.. Memories do hurt as well.. memories of someone whom you wished is still around..

I seriously think i am lacked of love... a fatherly love.. which i was deprived at the age of 15... replaced by a hard-hearted slut.. i nv seem to know what is family love.. many says luxuries is having a wild shopping spree in paris, new york or even Japan.. My luxury is to have family love.. which is so far-fetched... nv attainable....tis is nv a matter of choice...i can't control my heart not to respond to hurt....................

Wad Luck!

2007-05-03T23:27:00.000+08:00

ArGgghhh.. I've typed a whole page of Entry earlier.... shuckss.. dum web msn caused firefox to shut down..& i DID not Punch "Save" b4 all these happened.... Shhhhheeeesssshh.. now i need to retype... later...

Need to start on my meditation now... shittabugsy......

Be back soon~!!!

Hi Di yo~~greetings...from Elysium

2007-04-29T16:32:00.000+08:00

Tis my second blog... i hope it likes me well enuff to stay ard... Template's a simple basic one.. Will take me sometime before i get it set up like my previous one... O.. btw.. i've deleted my previous blog.. however, it seems to be still ard. O nevertheless.. I still hope i can manage this new blog well... of cos also to get it nicely set up..i dun mind any volunteers to help set up the blog nicely.. heehee

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Aniwei.. i have been very unhappy since Thursday.

Sylvia mentioned to me that she rcvd an email to attend the meeting on Saturday.

I waited till Friday late night, still no email. My fears seems to be coming true.
Unable to contain my anger as well as curiosity, i called the director.on the pretext on asking for the meeting time.

He seems surprised that i did not get the email. He mention he will check & get back to me soon.

Soon enuff, less than 10 mins he called back..& i am perpetually disturbed by our conversation.

This club totally has no sense of respect nor courtesy.
The girls simply leave me out of the meeting because they feel that I'm totally not interested ..
Not even an email telling that they feel that you are not suitable.

They do not even bother to find out why you can't submitting your work..wth.. i have submitted 10 designs...

It's not i have not been trying hard. I've hundred & one task to accomplishe.
During lunch i would work on my designs as being new to the company, i have to work late so that i can pick up fast & understand my dept.

I'm a perfectionist.. many say that as well. Just a mere 16days, i pushed myself to understand my dept, well.. i failed.. it takes 2 hands to clap.. dum dum suppliers need to spend 1 week to source for something simple & i do not have the experience the supplier of their inability to work diligently.

Back to the designing part...

Saying their objective of helping local designer to market their value & designer..
Simply bullshit... they change the designs..tells me fty cannot make mine cos there is too many details unless there is a big qty for it... den in the first place why didn't they tell me in the first place.. they are the ones whose supposed to undertand their fty capabilities..
I totally feel they are really taking up my time & not helping.
Constantlly telling to design based on what the fty can do.
OO.. come on.. Each designer comes with their own individual style..
If we design based on fty can do... it does not make us unique animore. it's just make us copier of other designers.
Their market research on inspiration is disappointing as well.. the concept is plagrisied.
in simple words... I'm angry & perpetually pissed by them.
Really... if you were to see their concept.. really nothing interesting..

On Saturday morning , they have been trying to contact me. I never picked up. You see.. the mood & enthu to work for them is no longer ard.

Guess they tried to contact me during the evening, i missed the call.. as i was in meditation meeting, only realised the number of missed calls when i got home.

Even now.. i dun have the wish to call back.. as i feel.. i rather make it out on my own... at my own free time...

Maybe i can just put up my design at my aunt shop to see if it catches attention enuff to mass produce it.

Still would continue to design during lunch.. but on my own inspiration & trend research...

Meditate to have it working as well...

what i need to do now is to make a list of my wants & needs...oo.. boy there R a thousand & millions of it.... I'm greedy u see... =)

Wish me success in my indulgence of meditation & gets all my wants....