Random thoughts turn scary

Amidst the surrounded darkness, a sudden thought of what my next five year will be like simply barged its way into my mind.

It was a blank...yes.. the thought was a blank one. I can't visualized what I will be doing in five years time at this very same moment.

Will I still be holding the same job with that pathetic pay barely to stay alive.

The thought of being alone scares me. Seeing others surrounded by their loved ones scares me. Seeing the lovey dovey couples scares me too.

The seed that scares me is my incapability to love & cherish what I have. The selfishness in me scares me. I know i am capable of being sweet & all-cuddly... but how long will i last.

Envious of the sweet love found in Taiwanese drama, Hana Kimi.. But then, how true can that be in real life.

How much sacrifice I will be able to extend like Ruixi... Is there really a guy in the world like Quan.. sweetly protecting & loving Ruixi. All these screenplay is really eating me out.. that's why i seldom watch such drama..unless it involved comedy else i surely would go crazy thinking when can i find a love sweet & sensual like that.

Ruixi had lost 30pounds just for Quan... This is so familiar... I did the same for someone a couple years back.. 30 pounds too..hahaa.. but we didn't work out..

Laziness had found its way back to me and so has the flaccids & bulging meat.. Sighz.. I guess I am contemplating to go for acupuncture to for weight loss.

Suddenly, i felt it's a sin to be fat.. fat .. and ugly. I dun know why.. I'm starting to have thoughts that I'm someone whose boring.. Unloving..uninteresting..

Guys gets interested with the wrong reasons. I dread that.. I dread the 2 piece of fats on me.
Will there be a day in which i would kill off these perverts...

O boy, turning 30 soon.. do i look like one? so many random thoughts came up today.. This is so scary.. Blank ones especially...it makes my future look so bleaked. I'm so afraid of growing & looking old

Had mahjong with Mouse, Jeff & Ivy..LOST $$ again..sianz.. my luck is really down still... sighz..


Gosh.. 328am in the the total darkness.. a few more hours before i meet up with pei,ft,fel & nic..picnic & trekking @ the southern ridges.. Ahhh..yeshh.. pictures..Think i would better go off now else will be late tomorrow & they will scream their heads off !!

buRpz