When realisation hits you

tis gonna be a real short post....

i was browsing through a long time friend's blog...

It really hits me that I've not been contacting her for a couple months... not only that.. she hasn't even drop any message like she used to.. not animore...


She seems so much of a stranger.. so pre-0cuppied with her worldly desires & strives. All for her little one out of wedlock... The distance has been pulled apart.. I couldn't help but feel.. She doesn't really bothered about my presence or concern.. no more calls

What badly follows were my thoughts.. maybe our friendship has been shelved long time ago.. & now been cleared away by the cleaning lady whom she engaged help to clear her unwanted stuff... & there.. our friendship on that particular place on that shelf has landed itself somewhere in the garbage truck like some abandon baby...

Maybe it's been my own fault.. giving too much care & concern to a friendship that i thought would last..that caused adverse effect.. Maybe what needed was monetary support.. not my worthless care.. penniless concern.

I no longer can find myself in any part of her life. She.. has her own group of friends.. those with good career.. those who can give her a push maybe in her future endeavors maybe...

Very tempted.. to cut off all contacts.. yes.. all.. not just her... I spend too much time on ..worrying my friendship would all leave me..like how Daddy has left.. It's happening.. & that's so disheartening.. for today, as i scroll through my phonelist.. & realisation hits me that almost none of them i feel i would feel really comfy hanging out with...

Right at this very moment.. all i could do is to hug my knees close to my chest & hide my face in between my knees...hoping that i have a pair of wings that would tightly engulf me & shelter me from all these heartaches.. if only my heart would not response to hurt.. there seems to be no words i could place on my tongue on how lonesome the world has become ever since 1996 21st March.

This...is when my gloom plants its roots firmly.. to uproot it.. hardly possible...